


The Prince and The Fool

by MystiePie



Series: Star-crossed Lovers [6]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Alternate Universe - No Metaverse (Persona 5), Alternate Universe - No Powers, Blood and Violence, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Eventual Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jester! Ren, M/M, NONE i say, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Prince! Goro, Romance, Scars, Sexual Content, Starvation, Torture, Trauma, Vomiting, none of my fics will end in sadness okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:07:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28345857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MystiePie/pseuds/MystiePie
Summary: Goro sighed, staring down at his desk, loaded with paperwork he’d have to work through in the king’s name; in the same instance that he signed the letters did he imagine writing all those pretty words in the king’s blood; did he imagine slicing his throat, watching his head roll…Though for now, he had nothing but a pen in his hands, and the silence in his chamber was his only friend as he scribbled on…Prince Goro breathes and lives under the King's thumb, heeding to his every call like a faithful dog. He wishes nothing more than to usurp the tyrant, yet he's too powerless on his own- for now. What does a sword tournament have to do with all this, and what role does the Jester play, what secrets is he hiding?Dive into a story of unlikely romance, of hidden skills and intermingling fates as Prince Goro battles against his very own destiny...Standalone fic ;)
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Series: Star-crossed Lovers [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2042896
Comments: 12
Kudos: 45





	1. Exposition: Is the pen mightier than the sword?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [laughingfrowns](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughingfrowns/gifts).



> Hello there!  
> This is a gift fic to [laughingfrowns](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughingfrowns). I hope you'll enjoy it <3!!!! ~~Maybe you can guess where this heading to, hehehe~~
> 
> I have no idea how long this is going to be. Let's guess a maximum of 20K? ~~all my guesses end up backfiring on me and I usually always go above the word count I set for myself but we'll see. Maybe I WILL BE SOMEWHERE NEAR MY ESTIMATED WORD COUNT FOR ONCE!!! XDD~~
> 
> I am still planning on writing on fics for [Star-crossed Lovers ](https://archiveofourown.org/series/2042896)(fuck I can't write anything short huh LMAOOO) and I have also already started writing the next installment, but I wanted to take a short break and write this fic here first. I have no idea how fast I'll be writing this lol.  
> Update: It's now part of it, but it's still a standalone fic- don't be scared lol. Further explanation provided in Chapter 2 in Author's Notes ;)
> 
> We start in with a bit of world building, as always!  
> Hope you have fun!!

Goro gave away a loud, heavy sigh- the only indication of how irritated he really was lest he wanted to yell- and raising his voice like that was never a good idea.

“I’m terribly sorry,” he spoke to the irritated seamstress, “but…I do believe to have instructed a _black_ suit to be tailored for my needs, and not…”

 _This abomination of random colors strung together,_ he nearly spat, but decided to hold back for appearance’s sake. _It actually looks like it was made for the jester._

_Though I’ve never called up the jester myself. Do we even have one?_

_No matter. This thing here is hideous._

“Well,” the seamstress rebutted, not intimidated by his underlying anger at all, “I clearly remember advising that the most popular fashion these days leans towards more colorful constructions, and as far as I am aware…his Majesty, the King, found the idea of this kind of attire tailored for his Highness' needs much better than the initial proposal, too.”

_Urgh, don’t remind me what that dastardly beast of a man wants and whatnot-_

A fuse went off inside of him- talking about his father was always of sensitive matter, and this woman had _clearly_ overstepped her line.

“That might be true,” Goro spat back, irritation seeping through his tone, “but _I_ am the one who pays you for a job well done, not…my father, his Majesty.” Goro hoped the mockery in his tone would remain hidden to the seamstress.

“And might I remind you? He was _also_ not the one who instructed you to sew me any kind of attire- he was, as you said, present, and offered his opinion. Yet…”

A saccharine smile appeared on the prince’s lips, “Ultimately, the one who decides whether you get paid or not… _is me._ And this is clearly a far cry from what I ordered. If you continue to resist- well, I doubt I’ll have troubles finding myself a different, more obedient seamstress.”

_Tock._

That did it. Suddenly, the seamstress all but cowered, apologizing profusely, before making haste to leave and promising to return with a better solution- one that would please him.

_Well, if she’d acted like that from the beginning…Things would have been easier from the start._

The brunet sighed, falling onto his chair in his study chamber.

He didn’t like to be condescending, or liked to use his position to intimidate anyone- but sometimes, if people grew too bold- since he was clearly less of a tyrant than his father- he had to remind them of their place.

It was never pleasant, but else, people never seemed inclined to listen to him- always, _always_ referring back to his father- which was something he hated, felt his bones ripple and his skin snarl everytime ‘the king’ was mentioned.

And the fact that the prince and the king did not get along well was quite well-known.

Ages ago, even among many mistresses and…showing off truly unruly behavior- which lasted until today- Masayoshi Shido had been unlucky when it came to bearing himself an heir. Either the women he impregnated did not give birth at all, or the children died as soon as they glimpsed upon earth- something that never failed to amuse Goro, because he applauded them for their wisdom- _or_ they were born a female.

Until today, Goro did not know how many sisters he had. Most of his sister were killed- per his father’s request. Other escaped his wrath by fleeing with their mothers, never to be seen again. Very few survived and stayed at court, in this country- like Ann and Futaba.

But they were both condemned to live the life of a servant, never the life of luxury.

In a way, this served Goro quite well- after all, at least he knew some people who shared his hatred for his father, and who would quietly support the usurpation of the throne.

Yet they also wouldn’t ever do much more than that, and clearly did not wish to know the prince any better- Futaba always found other tasks to go after instead of having to take care of him, and while Ann saw to his needs much more- the only maid that actually tried to- she also wasn’t exactly what he’d call a ‘friend’.

Well, making friends had never been quite his forte, anyway.

You’d think as the only male, surviving heir, Prince Goro would have his hands full with admirers and lead a life free of worry- yet far from it.

The biggest problem about him was the fact…

…that his mother had been a mistress of the lowest stands.

She’d not even been employed anywhere, some evil tongues whispered. She’d been but a lowly beggar on the street, selling her body in a desperate attempt to survive. And by some whim of fate, had been lucky to experience the gracious mercy of the king, sharing his bed and his warmth.

And then, she’d born an heir.

Yet the king had not wanted him- some sort of bastard, he said- and refused to accept Goro as his heir _._

One day, when his mother had been thinking of moving- they never settled down in a village for long, not because of persecution, but because for some reason, men would stop requesting his mother’s service after a while- the king’s servants had found them, and ripped them apart.

Goro never saw his mother again- he didn’t know whether she was alive or dead. All that he knew was that he’d been condemned to live the life of a prince.

A life he’d never wanted, or wished for; all those damn rules of etiquette at court, of pleasing nobles and charming young women- that he felt no shred of interest for.

Frankly, charming the male knights would probably prove a much more interesting experience than having to endure the gobbling looks of all these insatiable women- women that saw his status, wished to rise in rank, wished to gain power-

Women who never saw him for who he was.

Of course, Goro rebelled. The prince didn’t like charming anyone- and neither did he like spending time to learn court etiquette. The fact that he learned how to read and write might have been the only thing keeping him sane, but that didn’t last for long-

-and after yelling and tarnishing the king’s reputation once, then, and only then did Goro knew what it meant not to behave.

A few nights in the royal sewers- despite not being royal at all- or the prison, or a personal cell located _in_ the sewers- among…other things, such as being hit and tortured, taught him the many tastes of iron.

Because sometimes, the taste of iron was all that he had for food.

Life, Goro understood, was much easier if he obliged, even if it also meant living a life trapped inside a cage, to be reduced to a mere puppet, doomed to act accordingly to his father’s whims.

At least, he could try to find the few things he was allowed to do while playing the role of the king’s heir- such as reading as many books as he liked, or spending the weekend in his chambers instead of having to go out to town and charm young noble’s heirs.

Maybe that was King Shido’s way of showing mercy.

Not like Goro would ever _see_ it as mercy.

The young prince had never understood why Shido needed him in the first place- after all, there was no way his father had any intention of leaving the throne to him.

Maybe he was keeping him as some trade-in in case war was on the frontline- an offer of peace in exchange for Goro- the prince- to be used and abused as the country pleased.

This meant possibly using him as a play toy or a slave.

The mere fantasy made Goro queasy.

Besides, there was no way the prince would let himself be doomed to such a fate- yet years of investigating how to usurp his father or fleeing the castle had never ended well. Neither had the secret investigations of his mother’s whereabouts brought about any information- and his every step, his every move was meticulously recorded by the king, and punished accordingly.

After earning enough scars for a lifetime, Goro stopped trying to find her- for now.

He’d never give up on the idea of burying her last ash, or finding her alive- because as much as their life had been poor and miserable, had she always been kind and lovely. Her beauty, in his eyes, had never faded, and neither had he ever felt that she was in any way repellant or disgraceful- after all, many women sold their bodies to survive the tough times this country was facing; what was so wrong by her doing the same?

Goro remembered her last words clearly, on the day the knights had abducted him and his mother had been screaming after him as she was led elsewhere-

 _“Do not,”_ she’d yelled, despite bloodied and bruised, _“bow to him- and do not lose yourself!”_

Those words had seeped into his soul and been ingrained like sweet venom- a dagger, and yet a last proof of her love to him. A double-edged sword; because as much as her farewell message was a proof of trust to him, was it a curse as well, dooming Goro to never let go of feelings like hatred and vengeance.

Goro would _never_ stop waking up to these words, and neither would the nightmares that searched him each night subside.

As much as people- whether commoners or nobles- pitied and hated him, did he hate himself as well. And while pity was- in general- a much more pleasant emotion to deal with than hatred, Goro preferred the people openly despising him much more than the sweet tongues that spewed lies and half-truths about him in an attempt to make their own lives seem much better in comparison.

Because that’s what the pitiers all concluded, in the end- that they lead a much freer life, a much luckier one- and never did any of them even dare suggest to help the prince out of his demise.

No, it was just about making Prince Goro seem miserable and doomed to death, and make themselves feel better instead.

Maybe the assassins coming after the prince’s life could be seen as good-willed and honest much more- after all, they never hid their intention, and neither did they spew lies about him.

But first did the king’s head have to roll- and then, _only then,_ would Goro wonder what to do about his own.

Until then, he’d fight and yell for the knights to defend him against any assailant coming for him in the dark, since he did not wish for his death yet.

The odd thing about all these assassination attempts was that they never aimed for the king- only Goro, even though the king was much more of a tyrant and held much more power. The prince had a hunch that this was due to the fact that King Shido himself ordered these assaults- and besides, even _if_ the assassins ended up injuring him before help came-

-he was never injured badly, or stood at death’s door.

The wounds were shallow, but hurt. They were tormenting, burning, sometimes deep- but they never aimed to kill. If anything, maybe these assassins were aiming for a slow, tortuous death- but that wasn’t how assassins operated normally, was it?

Wasn’t it much easier to slice your victim’s throat while he was still asleep, instead of drawing their cries and making them watch every single drop of blood seeping through their earthly skin, drawing the shudders as they whisper to him how long he’d left until he died, dry of blood?

Prince Goro assumed that these assailants were meant to scare him- to show him what it’d mean to rebel against his father, even if their recent relationship had been… _better_ , if one could put it that way.

The prince heeded his father’s call, and so his father had no complaints, much busier trying to create _more_ heirs.

For whatever reason there was.

And as painful and agonizing Goro thought his life was, as such was it…

Boring.

Plain, and simply boring.

Goro didn’t have a _problem_ with leading a dull life, exactly. He wasn’t even interested in finding friends among those fake weasels at court, wasn’t interested in using his pitiful past to evoke interest, and wasn’t even interested in revealing his true self- though after years of being a mindless doll, he wasn’t even sure what he was, anyway.

He couldn’t use women like cheap booze like his father did- he’d respected and loved his mother too much than to treat females as something _only_ to be used as entertainment, even if he’d yet to meet a female noble busy with something else than trying to stir him up.

And maybe this was the other problem- that none of the women ever…succeeded in evoking his interest.

Physically _or_ emotionally- though the latter was a much bigger problem to Prince Goro than the first, personally speaking.

And due to his father denying him the pleasure of swordsmanship- _surely to ensure the assassination attempts remained intimidating-_ besides reading a rare book from the royal library, he had simply nothing to spend his free time with, as sparse as it was.

Yes, Goro had food and a bit of gold- a place to live, and servants to serve him, and female nobles trying to spend nights with him- yet no one ever grew jealous of Prince Goro, because they all saw how lonely and sad this life really was.

Most of Goro’s leisure time meant going to the seamstress and ordering new suits- as trivial as this was. He wasn’t allowed to saunter around town freely, unless he took guards with him- and that made the townspeople even more aware of who he was, and while upon first sight, they bowed and remained respectful, Goro heard every quiet whisper behind his back as he passed by.

Needless to say, buying items at the market was just not a pleasant activity if people did not wish to bargain and sold you the items for free- because that ensured they were rid of your existence more quickly.

No matter where Goro went, he was unwanted, and shunned.

It was a sad life- so what else could he do but plot murder after murder, imagine his father beheaded?

Even if he didn’t put those plans into motion yet- they were a matter of time.

At least, that’s what he hoped, and swore to the mother appearing and haunting him in his nightmares.

Most ironic of all was the fact that Goro was ostracized more than the king was.

While most of the time, King Shido was busy skirt-chasing and increasing his harem of disillusioned women aiming to become queen, he did not care one shred about the common people.

Taxes were not high, but high enough that soldiers frequently went out to bash and torment the poor, and making them lose what little fortune- if anything- or dignity they had. King Shido needed the money to entertain his harem, after all.

If one even uttered a word of disloyalty- such as wanting to usurp or kill the king, drunk or not- they wouldn’t be seen again.

Maybe this was also another reason why no one seemed to like the prince- they knew the disdain the king held for him; so what else to do than do the same, to please his Majesty? Instead of risking to sound disloyal?

And have their lives extinguished merely because they uttered words of sympathy for a bastard?

Shido didn’t care to listen to townspeople’s requests; if a field burned down, or someone lost their home to bandits, he didn’t send soldiers out for protection- quite the opposite. The loss of field and income meant no taxes, and the consequence to this was clear.

Though rumors had it that defects among the soldiers and knights- one of the highest paying work in the country, obviously, since King Shido cared for his safety- went out to protect and help the townspeople whenever they were troubled.

It would be a matter of time until the king found out who these people were- but he’d yet to ever react, and therefore not even Prince Goro knew what these self-righteous actions would mean.

To conclude: anyone and everyone was left to protect themselves on their own, and help from the knights was not guaranteed; if taxes were paid, a quiet, peaceful life might be ensured- unless a beautiful woman caught the king’s eye, and was doomed to live the life of a mistress lest the entire family wished for death. Shunning the prince and speaking bad of him was a silent agreement made among the commoners- less among the nobles, though they never hid their distaste, either.

They spoke about hate and pity in-between backhanded compliments and clear insults as they tried winning the king’s favor.

A dull and sad fate it was that befell Goro- but soon, things would change, as a certain rusted gear in the clockwork of fate would begin to turn and bring about new winds…A new world, a certain tournament he’d have to participate in, would lead him to encounter a raven-

A raven that stirred up his life beyond comprehension, and that he loved all the same; a man with a tricky gleam in his eyes that promised to show him new worlds, and help him in his many quests.

But for now, Goro sighed, staring down at his desk, loaded with paperwork he’d have to work through in the king’s name; in the same instance that he signed the letters did he imagine writing all those pretty words in the king’s blood; did he imagine slicing his throat, watching his head roll…

Though for now, he had nothing but a pen in his hands, and the silence in his chamber was his only friend as he scribbled on…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A side note: Shido has no wife, and he's never throned a queen (LOL I WONDER WHY) and so the term of "bastard" (speaking in medieval language) isn't quite correct here. I know. BUT THIS IS MY VERSE AND EVERYONE'S TRYING TO DEGRADE GORO OKAY xD SO THE POOR BABY WILL STILL be referred to as bastard, historcial correct usage of terms be damned lmao.
> 
> Sorry that the beginning is a bit boring, and that Ren isn't on stage yet lol. HE'LL COME!!! DON'T WORRY!!!! I want my little Trickster here asap lol.  
> In the next chapter, we'll end up meeting more of our familiar cast! ;)
> 
> While this is a gift fic, it's also something I've been wanting to write, so comments and kudos are appreciated! ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading so far, and hope to see you again!


	2. Secrets of the court

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“This?” The prince spluttered, extremely unbefitting for a royal, even moreso as he wildly gestured around.  
>  “Him? That? You’re telling me that-“  
> The knight winced.  
> “This is-“ a joke, he wanted to yell, but bit his tongue- alas, it was too late.  
> The man in question had already heard his outrageous cries- needless to say, he was very excited.  
> “A joke? I’m flattered you picked up on my occupation so deftly, your Royal Highness,” the raven laughed, swiftly falling into a bow.  
> The prince wanted nothing more than to be swallowed up by the ground underneath his feet, and given his life- never surface again. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **cw: Dead Dove; Sexual Content; Orgies (excluding Goro, he is not part of it, never)**
> 
> First things first: This chapter is disturbing for until the middle of it ~~giving by its setting, that was sort of inevitable tho lmao I'm sorry~~ and features gross stuff. You have been warned. This chapter is icky xD  
> The most disturbing scene is indicated by two lines (beginning and end) so if you feel like you can baaaarely take the beginning of the chapter, you should probably...skip that scene. It's not that bad (I think) but it's still pretty eeeeew. I could have made it more scandalous and disturbing but I COULDN'T DO THAT TO GORO xD Also in case you think the format looks weird on mobile, use horizontal mode- this only applies for a minor scene. I HAD TO DO THAT OKAY. I LOVE IT XD  
> I'll provide a short summary at the end of the chapter with the most important things you need to know. 
> 
> Then, onto dialogue: some things may sound odd, but (some rules are also explained in the chapter itself) like I said...I'm trying to stay as close to the setting as I can...I tried my best. IT'S SERIOUSLY NOT AS EASY TO WRITE AS MODERN ENGLISH xD
> 
> And last of all: you may have noticed the fic has been added to my longass collection lmao. Rest assured, this is a standalone fic with a standalone plot and different twists and turns ~~if there are any LMAO~~ than what I've written before. You do not need any prior knowledge (seriously).  
> There's a bit of more explanation coming up, but in case you haven't read the rest of my stuff, you probably don't have to listen to my rambles xD
> 
> Have fun!  
>  ~~What do you mean I can't milk my "AU of an AU" thing. I WILL!!! Jokes aside, I had two kinds of plots for this fic, but one of them played closer to the whole universe established in Unhinged. Since this is a gift fic, I intended to keep it out of the collection, but after a conversation, have decided to just "merge" both plots together (I think it's more interesting that way, anyway haha). Rest assured, you'll notice things here are quite differently (esp character behavior lol). It won't be like Unhinged, but like I said, it's like "another world, another time" thing again HAHAHAHA. There might be some parallels you'll see in upcoming chapters, but since I merged two plots here, the story won't be as close to Unhinged as you may fear/think xD LOOK I LOVE REN AND GORO TOO MUCH OKAY I JUST LOVE THROWING THEM IN AS MANY SETTINGS AS POSSIBLE AHAHAHAHAHAH so bear with me...I promise this fic is not a carbon copy LOL XD.~~

A knock threw Goro out of the slumber he’d fallen into.

 _Damn it-_ _when did_ _I fall asleep?_

_How much work have I done- and what's left?_

Cursing, Goro tried to make himself look as presentable as possible, straightening his hair- as best he could, with only his hands at his disposal-, fixed his posture, and hoped he hadn’t gotten any ink on his face by accident- or worse, that the papers and pens on his desk had left any sort of imprints.

Maybe he really should instruct the servants to put a mirror in his study chamber- falling asleep during work happened more often to him than he liked to admit, and if the king ever found out- well, it'd be like signing the death treaty.

No, actually- signing the death treaty was the merciful way out. Shido would probably instruct him to paint his face in ink and run around court like that all day until the night fell and he'd finally be beheaded-

Then again, Goro wasn’t sure Shido would ever kill him.

_He finds too much joy in letting people suffer until the end of time._

For now, all the prince could do was trust his instincts.

After making sure the desk did not seem messy upon first glance, he cleared his throat and said, “Yes? You may enter.”

The door to his chamber opened with a slight creak- urgh, he’d have to instruct the head butler to oil it these days- and Ann appeared in the doorway. She curtsied, greeting him briefly.

She did not enter.

_Well, at least it’s her and none of the other noisy maids._

Ann- despite not caring much for him- kept secrets to herself. She did not chatter and spread rumors around the castle like so many others did. Goro was sure that, even _if_ he had ink on his face, she wouldn’t even acknowledge it and just go about and do her work in silence.

Which he appreciated, really.

In a way, she was one of the few people at court the prince trusted- which was quite the compliment, seeing as he didn’t trust anyone at all.

“Your Royal Highness,” she said, no ounce of emotion bleeding through, “I apologize terribly for interrupting during work.”

_Do you?_

“This better be something urgent,” Goro replied.

 _I do not mean it, truthfully. Any sort of interruption is more interesting than the damn pile of work l_ _oaded upon me_ _._

_Yet Shido has always instructed me not to try and make friends with the servants. Being too kind puts me at risk of starving and being locked into the prison cell, so..._

He suppressed a sigh.

“Indeed, your Royal Highness. His Majesty, the King, has called for the prince to come.”

Curt, and swift to the point. That was how he knew her- Ann didn’t waste much time dilly-dallying around.

 _~~…Or maybe she just want~~_ _ ~~s~~ _ _~~to leave as quickly as possible.~~_

“My father calls for me? That is…odd.” Goro frowned, not recalling any reason or upcoming event that would possibly require any interaction between the two of them in advance.

Ann remained quiet- a sign that she didn’t know why he’d been called forth, either.

Of course not- Shido made sure to instruct his servants never to inquire or press for details. Mindless following of his orders was what he wanted- blind loyalty. And if a servant pressed too far, well...

Let's just say Goro never heard of them again.

“You may…leave,” the prince remembered to say, his hand making a dismissive gesture. Ann curtsied as she thanked him, and didn’t dare meet his gaze- they weren’t allowed to meet the prince's or the king's gaze unless instructed so, and Goro always felt anxious about being stared at- suffice to say he would never allow anyone to see eye-to-eye with him.

He was too afraid they'd gaze upon his tattered, scared soul and deem him a coward.

Because that’s who he always felt like being.

“His Majesty wishes for his Highness to come quickly,” Ann informed him lastly, a warning undertone in her voice, “and he is currently…to be found in his private chamber.”

Goro managed to hold the hurl back for until Ann left and closed the door. Then, only pure willpower, fueled by spite and rage kept him from doubling over and sullying the ground.

Shido rarely left his chambers, yes, but if Goro was instructed to meet him there _…_

That could only mean he was busy being engaged in certain activities and didn’t wish to interrupt them for whatever measly thing he had to tell.

This diffused a bit of the tension in Goro’s body- because whatever Shido wished to tell him was quite certainly a quick matter, and no upcoming punishment.

Yet having to enter the king's chambers also made the prince wish to quickly find the privy and hurl the content of his meagerly filled stomach out- because he knew what would await him.

The disgusting smell of bodies coming together, of shameless moans and naked skin- and he’d rather throw himself off the bridge and take a bath in the coldest river of the country than witness…

Than witness the disgusting orgies taking place in his father’s bedroom.

He felt nauseous as he got up and swayed on his feet as old images and disgusting memories resurfaced.

Shido knew exactly what torment it was to be called forth- fear and anger were Goro's constant companions as he learnt to always fear the worst, assume the worst, _know_ what had been the worst so far and be prepared to revise.

The king also knew the reason the prince felt aversed to touch and refrained from skin-on-skin contact as often as possible was assumingly due to the years of torment inflicted on Goro.

And Shido enjoyed watching his son squirm and hurl like the tyrant he was.

But Goro needed to go- he had no other choice, lest he wanted to meet the master of the torment chamber again, lest he wanted to suffer under physical _and_ emotional punishment.

That didn’t mean the prince would ever familiarize himself with the king's malevolence, or that he’d stop imagining the way Shido had described his mother’s cries when he impregnated her- because oh, yes, the King _loved_ to describe his mother in the filthiest and humiliating way possible if he was present during Goro’s 'disciplining time', as the king liked to call it.

Wonderful. Now he really needed to stop by the privy before he heeded his father’s call.

* * *

* * *

His heart beating noisily in his chest, and his stomach feeling upset and queasy still, Goro knocked upon the door leading to the king’s private quarters, gritting his teeth as the first obscene moans rang through.

“Enter,” he heard his father call out, so he did-

-and felt his nearly empty stomach twist and turn mere seconds afterwards, the smell of sex and seeds invading his nostrils quite immediately. The air felt thick and heavy inside his lunges, as if wanting to suffocate instead of revive him, as if wanting to weigh him down and bind him on the spot.

_Ironic how even the air seems to bow to the king's will._

A glance upon the windows proved Goro's presumption- that the room had not been aired- correct.

_How can they even breathe in here for long?_

_~~Maybe they don't.~~ _

“Akechi,” Shido called, and Goro suppressed a flinch as a woman- one woman, maybe more, he didn’t know, didn’t wish to look- moaned again, yelling out his father’s name.

_It should amuse me how they never forget to use his title, but..._

_Somehow, all it does is make me sick._

Goro Akechi had been the full name bestowed upon him by his mother- the only tangible thing he’d been allowed to keep. Few people called him by his last name- none by his first. Usually, he was addressed by his title...

...but Shido knew his mother’s family name, of course, was aware of how much it pained Goro to remember their former relationship-

Which is why he insisted on simply calling his son Akechi at any and all times.

“Akechi, come here- look at me, dear son.”

Swallowing down the bile in his throat, Goro stepped forth- yet he halted a few steps after. He didn’t dare raise his head until he was called again, biting his lip and drawing forth the friendly taste of iron-

The only taste that could comfort him now that he was cornered like a mice in its trap.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, and raised his gaze while silently commanding his anxious heart to calm down.

Shido had a dirty grin on his face as he squeezed the woman’s naked breast- the one on the left side, drawing forth her cries. Goro was sure the king had done so purposely, seeing as she was the one whose body was on full display in the prince's sight.

The bile he'd tried so hard to suppress came back flooding his throat andmouth, burning and setting him aflame from the inside- yet the prince remained still as stone.

_Showing my weakness this early in the game would mean instant defeat._

_I cannot allow myself to be bested just yet._

Another woman was seated on the king's lap, kissing his neck and shamelessly grinding her body against his chest, and a last one embraced him from behind, her hands trailing up and down as she murmured things the prince was glad not to be able to hear.

At least the king was fully dressed.

There had been more obscene sights he'd been forced to witness before.

Yet all that knowledge did not help Goro stomach the sight any better.

As he remained paralyzed on the spot, not allowed to look away and forced to hear obscene sounds and even more obscene sights, he drew forth all the blood stored inside his lip- the taste of bile and iron grounded him, reminded him of earlier days where sexual activities had yet been a secret, where he'd only been suffering under physical torment-

Which he honestly preferred, if given the freedom to choose.

He nearly gave in to the small voice inside his heart yelling at him to _beg, beg, beg to be allowed to look away, do it, please, **beg, BEG**_ ** _ALREADY! WHAT USE IS YOUR STUPID PRIDE FOR?!_**

But the leftover pride- what little bit remained of his rebellion- could not be broken.

Not _yet,_ that was.

“You…called for me, your Majesty,” he choked out, hoping he sounded more confident than he was.

_I hope the bile I just spat out sullies the expensive carpet forever._

“Ah, indeed, I have.”

A few moans interrupted their conversation, and the women rubbed themselves against the king like wild animals in heat.

_I shouldn’t think of them as mindless creatures- but I am very tempted to do so._

_But I can’t give in to such thinking- if I do, I risk spiraling down the same mad path Shido walks, and there’s no way I’d let myself fall that low._

_But they do look mad, with those desperate eyes and disgusting sounds emitting them-_

Shido smirked at him, as if knowing about his inner turmoil- and Goro nearly snarled, felt his eyebrows twitch, the corner of his mouth turning downwards before he-

-he averted his gaze.

_Damn it, damn, damn, **damn!**_

The king laughed amusedly.

“I do not wish to…keep you from your duties any longer, dear son.”

_You know how much I want to hurl whenever you call me your own._

_Besides, everything you say is a lie._

The prince closed his eyes, desperately hoping it would drown out the sounds alongside, yet he knew any of his actions were futile- the sight had already been burned into his mind, and it’d haunt him for days and nights to come until he’d erase it from his memories.

 _If_ he could erase it, that was.

“Father,” he spat out, “I see you are busy. What did you call me forth for?”

_Spit it out already._

Goro didn’t get a reply immediately, and he was left to writher on the spot for a bit longer until Shido graciously spoke up again.

“See, the neighboring kingdom- you might remember them, they were visiting just last month for the masquerade-“

_Where you held me in the cell for refusing to attend, and told your precious guests I was sick?_

_Well, at least I got my will in the end, even if befriending the rats for yet another week was quite tiresome._

_“-_ is holding a sword fighting tournament in a few months.”

_So what?_

The rising moans were a sign he was supposed to say _something,_ at least.

“I…see,” Goro exhaled shakily, flinching as one of the women lashed out again.

_Damn it- won’t you cut it short already?!_

“Now, you may wonder why I’m telling you this, Akechi…”

_You’re clearly stalling to watch me suffer for longer, you sick noble._

“The kingdom, you see…it has invited all young princes and upstanding nobles’ sons to participate in the tournament,” Shido laughed, and Goro heard one of the women fall onto the sheets.

_Only men, huh?_

_Clearly a sign that their thinking is less progressed than yours, even._

_Fantastic._

“Am I correct in assuming- that…you wish for me to participate?” The bile in Goro’s throat burned, and he felt the hair on his skin stand up with each passing beat of time.

_I want to leave already!_

“Correct! Seems like my wit has not been lost on you. How it brings joy to me to know you’ve inherited my traits so well.”

_How long will I have to remain in the cells if I empty myself all over your chamber?_

“I-I do not…possess an ounce of skill in the art of fighting, though.”

_I wonder why?_

_Damn it, are these women so loud on purpose, or-_

He barely suppressed a wince.

“I am well aware of that,” Shido’s voice rang through the air. “If you need help finding a teacher, I can try to- ah yes, play with her a little, won’t you, dearest? Yes, touch her-“

Goro wanted to leave.

_Now._

_Posthaste._

_Damn it._

_Damn it!_

“I can aid you in your quest of finding a teacher. But I am a bit…busy at the moment, as you can see-“

_I am thankful that I can’t-_

_How often have I thought about gouging my eyeballs out just to be spared of even a few glimpses?_

_And how often have I thought that’d be like admitting a final defeat, and refused to give up?_

“So if you wish to find a teacher on your own, I will bestow you the privilege of choosing yourself.”

_Oh, how damn gracious of you._

“If you need my help, however, you should seek me again.”

_\---Help?_

_Your help?_

_You wish me to beg for your help?_

_No way,_

_no way,_

_no way,_

_you hear me?!_

_You’ll end up walking over my corpse rather than hearing me beg._

“The tournament will be held in two months. Do not…disappoint me.”

_If I do,_

_you’ll amuse yourself in my pain and suffering, won’t you?_

_You’re not even expecting me to win_

_you think I will humiliate myself in front of the whole damn country_

_you’d risk giving me a chance to defend myself against your assassins_

_if that meant degrading me differently_

_You want to shame me,_

_SCARE ME-_

Goro was sure he’d drained his lip of every last drop of life he had.

“Then…am I dismissed,” he wheezed out, focusing and mapping the way to the nearest privy inside his mind, his heart puckering wildly, and the bile in his mouth increasing with each passing beat-

“Yes.”

One single word- a few syllables- and Goro felt the entire strength he’d frantically maintained drain from his body all at once, as if finally released from a cursed spell. He bowed on wobbly legs and feet, turned around and heard one of the women begun to cry the king’s name in a shameless manner-

“I have instructed the head butler with further details, might you be in need of it.”

Hearing that, newfound rage fueled the prince’s body, and as he slammed the door shut behind him, he took off as fast as he could.

_So the fact that you called me-_

_You wouldn’t have needed to call for me-_

_You were just-_

_YOU WERE DOING THIS OUT OF SPITE_

_YOU WERE ENTERTAINING YOURSELF AS I SUFFERED_

Why had he expected anything else?

He didn’t know.

He was just lucky no one saw him run into the privy and retch out what little he had left inside his stomach.

* * *

* * *

After what felt like hours passing by, Prince Goro finally left the stingy place and made way for his own chambers.

He needed to sit down and think, preferably in bed, what to do now. Letting the king help him was out of question, of course-

_Ha!_

_Help!_

Goro might or might not have destroyed a few of the finest porcelain plates had he any access to them.

At best, Shido would hire someone who didn’t end up plaguing him-

-at worst, someone who’d harass him physically whenever he could, making Goro’s life worse than before.

No. He would _not_ let Shido hire him a teacher- he would not.

He would not.

Repeating those words like a mantra, Goro paced around his bedchamber, crossing his arms as he contemplated possibility over possibility.

The most pressing problem was that the prince had no acquaintances, no friends he could ask advice of. Or who could recommend him someone they knew, someone they’d heard about.

Which made this ordeal much more difficult- asking around town blindly might not do him much good, but begging his father for help was absolutely out of the question.

Bile rose in the prince’s throat as an old memory flashed through his mind- the first time he’d been forced to witness grotesque scenes, though back then, things had been a little different.

As a ‘reward’ for behaving well, Shido had instructed one of the servants to take the prince into a brothel to observe and learn of the many indulgences between men and women. Goro must have been as old as some of the new servants, barely scratching adulthood, yet still a far cry away from being a real grown-up.

When the exhibition slowly begun to nag at his sanity, Goro had covered his ears, closed his eyes shut and screamed to drown out the sounds and dirty chatter, wanting nothing more than to burn his head and mind of the images.

The butler meanwhile, indulged himself and told him to let loose a little, but to no avail- Goro’s protest rose and rose, until one of the women had hauled him out, saying once he’d grow older, he’d find joy in this.

Her eyes had glinted as if in anticipation, saliva dripping down her lip, and the grip she had on him made Goro want nothing more than to either have his arm rot away, or chop it off himself and live on without it.

The prince was more than just thankful she’d left soon after, but he’d always remember her searing look, her touch, the smell and the sounds protruding from the brothel-

_Urgh, I need to stop-_

Goro stopped pacing, forced himself to calm down and breathe, commanded his heart rate to return to its normal pace, _your normal pace, can’t you hear me, I said, your normal pace- urgh, slow down already!_

It took a while.

And even then, his heart puckered on unpleasantly, defiant to his will.

Fine, so he had absolutely no clues on where to start the search, and he couldn’t expect any help from anyone, either. Maybe…maybe he needed to go at this a bit simpler.

_Think in simple, most basic patterns…_

Who, in his near vicinity, had to heed to his request and was familiar to swordsmanship?

_The knights._

Correct.

It wasn’t like he could ask any of these knights to help him learn- he doubted there’d be any good teachers among them, anyway- but maybe…maybe someone of them had acquired skills prior to their joining. Had known someone who helped them polish their skills to become immaculate, and awed everyone at the entrance tournaments.

There was one person who came to mind.

A woman, to be precise.

_Makoto…Nijima, was it?_

Finally, Goro had a clue- her skills had been so infallible, even all those years ago when she’d joined, that she’d been promoted almost a few months after- one of the quickest promotions Goro had ever come to witness.

Until today, the prince had yet to find someone who could match her- she was talented, but she was also a hard worker, and the prince doubted she’d acquired her swift judgement and her extraordinary skills by merely being born with a gift, and not polishing them finely.

After making sure the smell of bile had been squashed as well as Goro could manage- these mint herbs he’d ordered to be planted in the royal gardens really helped out a lot- he departed from his room, his mind still in a frenzy.

She was his only lead- and he hoped desperately she’d had a teacher before she joined.

_There’s no way someone could be born so flawless, right?_

_…Right?_

If not on patrol, most of the knights were supposed to be on the training grounds. They were located a bit further away from the prince’s private chamber- somewhere in the eastern part of the castle. Some of the training was held outside, even moreso under bad weather to strengthen and steelen the knight’s soul and body, but there were a few accommodations built for indoor training as well.

Trying to find one of the head knights was a difficult task- they were busy with many a things, such as training the newcomers or patrolling the castle and town, amongst other tasks. The quickest way to find Nijima was to find one of the knights slacking off, and instructing them to find her for him.

As luck may have it, Goro quickly found one of the most notorious slackers among the knights seated on a bench on the outdoor training grounds, taking swift gulps from his flask- surely filled with booze.

The prince suppressed his anger as he approached the blonde- hoping he’d follow his call without a fuss, after being caught in such uncalled action.

“Sakamoto,” he barked, and the blonde man nearly spat out his drink, the flask falling to the ground as he choked and coughed.

It wasn’t usual for the royal family to remember the knight’s names, nor was it becoming of them to inform the knights of their knowing- but who wouldn’t remember the names of both the best, and the worst among the ranks?

“Y-your Royal Highness,” Sakamoto choked, springing to his feet as best as he could while a few coughs made it out still.

His respectful choice of words did nothing to hide the disdain he felt towards Goro. The prince was sure that the blonde had merely taken up the job as a knight to provide for his family, and not to serve the country. Sometimes, he overheard the blonde mutter curses and insults about the royal family.

Never in Shido’s vicinity, of course- similar to Goro’s own impeccable act of loyalty that never fell in front of the king, neither did the knight’s.

In a moment of false security, however?

Goro always overheard his true feelings- and perhaps that was why, despite the feelings between them being nothing short of animosity, the prince had…more often than not rescued the blonde from being thrown out of the ranks by a few tricks he pulled in secret here and there.

Not like anyone ever knew that he was the one keeping Sakamoto afloat- least of all the brute himself. The prince had a weakness when it came to keeping people who hated the king as much as he did around him, and he didn’t mind being shunned if it meant having something akin to…allies around him.

And frankly, he was rather thankful no one knew of his actions- it rose the chance of catching Shido’s attention, and that was something to avoid at all costs.

Even if all his hiding did nothing to raise his sympathy.

The knight bowed awkwardly- Sakamoto had never been one for formalities- and coughed one last time before he spat out a rather awkward, “How may I be of service?”

“It seems that I am in dire need of Head knight Nijima. Would you be so kind as to fetch her for me?”

Despite sounding like a plea, it was far from one. And both of them knew it.

Sakamoto straightened up. “Of course, your Royal Highness. I will go and search for her. Though…I ain’t really- uh, pardon,” the blonde flailed, fumbling back into formal language, “I…I do not know of her current whereabouts, so it might…take some time.”

“That’s alright. Do tell her to meet me in the garden near the library. I will be there.”

The knight nodded a bit too enthusiastically, his armor making odd noises alongside his motions- even from back when they joined the ranks, knights were instructed never to make their presence known as best as they could, yet Sakamoto had never really attempted to be a quiet person.

Goro wondered until today how he’d managed to stay in the ranks- was it only due to his help, or did the brute have hidden talent underneath?

“Of course, your Highness. I understand.”

“And Sakamoto?”

“Yes?”

“Do be quick. My time is precious.”

The blonde’s throat bobbed- the prince’s tone had gone quite intimidating. “O-of course, your Royal Highness. I will be off.”

With that, Sakamoto took off, his armor making even louder noises, causing the prince to click his tongue in irritation.

Yet another grave sigh escaping him, the prince made off for a stop in the library, hoping for the weather to remain as peaceful as it was now.

Lady Luck really seemed to take mercy upon his battered soul- because for as long as he sat in the garden, surrounded by the soothing smells of plants and flowers, no rain drops fell from the sky.

He was reading through another passage of the newest planting techniques when a quiet, but confident voice spoke up.

“Your Highness. I have heard word you’ve called for me.”

Goro exhaled, shutting the book close and lifting his gaze- Nijima was kneeling on the ground, her gaze fixed on a dirty spot in the pavement, a hand placed over her heart.

Impeccable behavior, as always. What Sakamoto lacked, Nijima had in abundance- mannerism and perfect stealth.

And Goro appreciated it, really.

Suppressing a pleasant smile on his lips- a prince was not allowed to show his emotions too often, and in Shido’s world, not at all- he allowed her to lift her gaze and stand.

“Nijima. It seems Sakamoto has found you quickly- do tell him my thanks next time. I have a certain…request of you.”

“Of course.” The brown-haired woman blinked, surprised by the prince asking her a favor. Goro wasn’t known to bid for people’s help- this was most certainly unusual.

“It is no secret, that, among the knights- you have been exceptionally talented from the start.”

“You honor me with your words, your Highness.” Nijima bowed slightly, but even then, her armor remained quiet, barely interrupting the prince’s words.

_This is what a knight should be like, Sakamoto._

“I am not one for flattery, you know that,” Goro remarked a bit harshly, and Nijima nodded quickly, hoping to lessen the anger she’d invoked with her reply.

“I- I am…” She stumbled, unsure of what to say; she did not wish to evoke his anger further.

“Honored, praised, yes. I am aware. Spare me the pleasantries required for our interaction- I do not care for them much. Besides, that is not why I called for you.”

“I…see. My apologies, your Highness.”

Goro scoffed.

_As if you mean that._

_As if anyone’s ever meant that._

“Let’s make haste- I will be swift. You joined the ranks with skills far beyond the average. Am I correct in assuming you were…disciplined by someone else before you did so?”

Nijima’s eyebrows rose slightly- and quickly sunk down again, hoping desperately she hadn’t seemed too curious. “Are you inquiring about whether I had a teacher?”

The prince rolled his eyes. “Yes!” His fingers tapped impatiently against his arm, sick of having to repeat his words over and over again throughout the day.

“Oh…Oh.” Was it Goro’s imagination, or was there a slight blush appearing on her cheeks?

The second he narrowed his eyes, the blush was gone- the knight cleared her throat.

“You’re correct in assuming so. He is a very…skilled man.”

_A man._

_Hm._

Well, at least no rumors about a tryst would surface in case Goro hired this mysterious person. While it wasn’t a secret that certain nobles indulged in both sexes, and it wasn’t frowned upon to keep a male mistress- well, for the royals, and most importantly, _for Shido_ to have a male mistress would be an absolute taboo.

Not like this taboo kept Goro from being attracted to whom he liked- in a way, this unspoken rule protected him of nasty rumors.

But maybe these nasty rumors never surfaced in the first place because he’d never found anyone to indulge himself with- or that he’d _wanted_ to, given how he reacted to anyone’s mere touch.

The prince suppressed his glee about assuming correctly about Nijima- such joy had to be reserved for until he had a teacher secured.

“Excellent. You see, a situation has arisen that makes me in dire need of a teacher for swordsmanship. Would be so kind as to introduce ourselves- me, to your former teacher- as soon as possible? That is, assuming you can still contact him.”

Nijima remained perfectly still, her face a careful mask as she took in the prince’s words.

“Well…I suppose introducing your Royal Highness to him won’t be too difficult a task. He is in the nearest vicinity- it wouldn’t…take long to find him.”

“Well, I’ll say- what luck, then!” Goro rose up, allowing Nijima to meet his gaze. “Assuming you have already assigned someone to take over your duties, would you be so kind as to lead me to him?”

The female knight gnawed at her lip, a flicker of hesitancy flashing through her eyes- odd. She _never_ let her guard down- and yet, after inquiring about her mysterious teacher, her act fell through quite often.

What sort of man _was_ this master of the sword, that his mere name could shake the composure of the bestest of knights?

“Nijima?”

“Ah- pardon me. I haven’t- I didn’t finish.”

Goro rose one of his eyebrows, crossing his arms. “What does that mean, exactly?”

“Well…it would be no miracle to find him. He…works at court.”

“At court?” The prince blinked.

_Odd._

“Yes…But… he does not work among the knights. I suppose his current occupation is not one of utter importance, either, which may work in your Highness’ favor- um, there is no more important duty than heeding to our king’s and prince’s calls, of course” she quickly added, as if afraid she’d insulted Goro somehow.

She fidgeted on the spot and uttered a few more empty praise until his patience ran thin.

“Nijima,” he cut her off, and she nearly flinched. “My time- is sparse. Whoever this man is, I need his skills- and I can offer him better payment than his current job, whatever it may be. So would you _please_ be so kind and finally show me the way?”

“Your Royal Highness might- be offended if I introduce him. There is quite a chance his Highness might not believe me that it’s really him-“

“Of course I will believe you!” Goro interrupted her harshly.

_Damn it, first the seamstress, now her- is there anyone out there who will immediately heed my call without questioning and driving me insane first?!_

“If you claim that this man taught you your skills- that left all men and women joining in awe until this day- then I am inclined to believe he is _very_ capable. Such is the man I seek as my teacher. And I do _not_ believe you’d allow yourself a jest with me- you know your head could roll for a bad joke.”

The knight nodded, and she cleared her throat. “I- I apologize for my impudence. Let me go find him.”

_Impudence it is, Nijima._

With a quiet huff, Goro followed her.

He did not hear her mutter ‘A jest, huh…Oh no.’

***

 _“This?”_ The prince spluttered, extremely unbefitting for a royal, even moreso as he wildly gestured around.

“Him? _That?_ You’re telling me that-“

The knight winced.

“This is-“ _a joke,_ he wanted to yell, but bit his tongue- alas, it was too late.

The man in question had already heard his outrageous cries- needless to say, he was very excited.

“A joke? I’m flattered you picked up on my occupation so deftly, your Royal Highness,” the raven laughed, swiftly falling into a bow.

The prince wanted nothing more than to be swallowed up by the ground underneath his feet, and given his life- never surface again.

“I-“ He cut himself off, suppressing a frustrated scream. Distantly, he heard Nijima at his side mutter _I warned you,_ but paid her insolence- especially the fact that she addressed him directly- no mind.

“Would you allow me to kiss your hand in greeting, your Royal Highness? I do believe we haven’t had the pleasure yet. A shame, considering your beauty.”

Goro let out a short yell- a vein popping- and dragged the knight backwards into a corner, leaving a grinning raven behind for now.

_I could not possibly count how many rules this man has already broken in the first minute of our encounter._

Nijim, somewhat scared, grimaced as the prince took a few breaths, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“This…This is _a joke._ You can’t sincerely tell me- that this- this buffoon- _the Jester at Court-_ that he. That he taught you your skills? That…clown? That abomination of a man? _The literal fool?_ “

The indignation in Goro’s voice was plain to hear.

But he didn’t care.

_Proper behavior be screwed- this is preposterous!_

“I…well. How should I say this?” Nijima shrunk under his penetrative gaze, and gulped before she talked on.

“Back when I first met him- a chance encounter, really- his skill and talent were quite apparent already. When we began to train together, I was sure he was going to join the ranks of the knightly order, but instead he…he applied for the role of a Jester as soon as the former Fool quit, and frankly, I have- I have no explanation as to why he did that, but- I do believe he’d make a great teacher.”

She cleared her throat, the burning gaze making her quite nervous.

“I think if you need a diligent teacher- he is among the best you can hire.”

Silence.

Goro’s gaze burned her to a crisp, and she nearly fell to her feet, begging him for her life.

“Your Highness?” The Jester called out, as if it was his given right to call and interrupt a royal’s conversation as he wished. “Have you sought me out for my exceptional skills?”

Another vein popped inside of Goro; too many people had grained him today, too many people had tested his patience, too many people _had tried him-_

With a growl, he turned around, leaving the cowering knight to herself, and strode up in angry steps towards the Jester.

Only now, despite more anger surging inside him and hot flashes of rage emboldening him, did he take in the Fool’s appearance more throughoutly.

The most striking thing about his appearance was an odd-shaped mask, the holes for the eyes traced with what must have been black charcoal. It gave his face a sharp appearance, and the white color of the mask stood in sharp contrast to his raven hair.

The onyx eyes glittered amusedly- because _no, he wasn’t averting his gaze like it was appropriate, what had Goro expected?_

_After breaking so many rules in less than a heartbeat, you’d think he’d long be dead._

_How long has he been at court?_

_How did Shido even keep him?_

_Or rather- why?_

Almost everything the Jester wore was kept in black- he wore tight pants and a fit, waisted shirt, his entire body adorned by a long, black coat, swinging majestically with every slight movement, as if shadows were chasing him, and were yet a part of him all the same. His knee-high boots could put a few noble women to shame, even.

But most protruding- next to his mask- were his snug-fitted, red gloves-

_It seems as if…he’s painted his hands in blood._

_Though for his overall ensemble…he seems to have good taste, at least, or a good seamstress._

“Oh? I haven’t even introduced myself yet, but you devour me with your eyes already? My, oh my, is the prince daring. Must be all your royal blood, boiling to milk every act of indecency as best as it can.”

The Jester winked at him.

Goro had nearly forgotten what he’d actually intended to do, too fascinated by the red gloves-

-but the daring, provocative behavior quickly threw him out of his stupor, and made him reach for his rippling anger once more.

His face must have been turning a furious red, yet there was a daring smile tugging at the raven’s lips still.

“You,” he spat out-

-before he remembered that insulting his possible only chance out of his dilemma might not be…the best course taken.

But then again, how dare this man talk so boldly?

And couldn’t Goro find a replacement? Somewhere? Anywhere?

He might, but…how long would it take him to find that person?

“You are preposterous!” he yelled, jabbing an angry finger against the Jester’s chest- and quickly drawing back as if he’d been burned.

_Where did such impulsiveness come from?_

“Oh, no. I call myself ‘Joker’, your Highness. But, well…given your position and your beauty, I could add ‘Preposterous’ to my names, if that’s to your liking? I certainly wouldn’t mind. Really.”

The prince let out yet another unbecoming noise before he hissed, “Enough with the jokes, Jester, or your head will roll beneath my feet- mark my words!”

“I assure you, I am quite serious.” The Jester crossed his arms, the corner of his lips turning downwards. “I am called Joker, Trickster, Fool, Jokster for people who like the name of Joker and Jester, and-“

“I did _not_ ask of your many names,” Goro groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose and letting out another frustrated growl, his shoulders shaking.

“Tell me _one_ thing before I go and hang your dear friend Nijima alongside you- are you truly her master?”

“Oh, master?” The Jester’s face fell into a pout. “I do not upkeep servant-master relationships, you see. The power imbalance is just a little bit too crude if you ask me-“

“I did _not_ mean to ask for your sexual activities, or your preferences!” The prince threw his hands into the air. “Forget it,” he growled, “I’ll just- have both of you hanged- there was no way a _Jester_ of all people would teach me the way of the sword- what a-“

Something whizzed by his face, almost kissing his ear- gentle, yet oh so sharp- and only when Nijima yelled and held a sword to the Jester’s throat, only then did Goro turn around and gaze upon the wall behind him.

A single, beautiful dagger- made of the finest silver- was stuck on the wall behind him, and stuck to the tip of the dagger was a brown lock of hair.

 _His_ lock of hair.

The edge of the knife glimmered brightly, as if mocking him.

“Your Highness- this was clearly out of line! His joke went too far. Please forgive-“

“Silence,” Goro interrupted the knight, suddenly fascinated by the sight of the dagger, beckoning him to come closer. “Be quiet. Both of you.”

To his surprise, even the Jester did not speak.

Slowly, as if mesmerized, the prince drew closer to the sharp dagger. Upon closer inspection, he was sure that the strand of hair truly belonged to him, and no one else- meaning the Jester had such precise aim, he’d thrown the dagger at him in absolute confidence that he wouldn’t hurt the prince-

-or maybe he’d aimed _away_ as far as he could, who knew.

Spellbound, Goro pulled the dagger out, watching almost absent-mindedly as his hair fluttered to the ground. The knife was sharp; the prince was sure that, in case he drew his finger over its gleaming edge- even without applying much pressure- he’d be greeted with the sight of blood.

_Fascinating._

_I wonder whether I should behead him for his insolence myself, or…_

Goro turned around, observed quietly how Nijima had shifted her stance and pressed the sword against the Jester’s chest, a painful, yet determined look on her face.

“Do tell me…Joker, you said?”

Those beautiful onyx eyes shimmered in delight; it seemed as if the man was unafraid of death and punishment.

“Yes,” he purred, watching hungrily how Goro twisted the dagger in his hands and slowly came closer.

“Nijima, move away.”

“Your Highness, I apologize for his actions, truly, I think he would repent for as long as he needed- really- please don’t-“

“I said,” Goro interrupted her, not daring to take his eyes off the storm hidden behind the mask, “move. Now. Or I _will_ make true on my word and hang you.”

With an anxious look on her face, Nijima shifted away, throwing the prince a pleading gaze. Surely, she thought Joker would be killed right in front of her eyes- because that _was_ what he deserved after such an attempt, jest or not.

Careful not to touch his skin or his clothes with his fingers, Goro pressed the knife against the Jester’s throat- the skin parting like soft, molten butter, drops of ruby red blood trickling down.

It was a thin wound, a cut not too deep and yet painful enough to elicit pain-

-but the only wince that resounded came from Nijima, and the Jester boldly smiled on.

“So, Joker…Do you have an explanation of why on _earth_ you’d throw a dagger at me- the prince? The _crown_ prince, no less? Do you think so little of your life? Are you a hidden assassin? This might be your last chance to speak. Choose wisely of what to say- it might save your life.”

“Well,” the Jester replied, his grin spreading even wider, “your beauty has rendered me speechless, and I thought I’d rather speak in actions to describe how bewitching you are. You shine as dangerous as my most beloved dagger- and despite its deadliness, I feel quite attached to it.”

The smile on the Jester’s face reminded Goro of those wild stray cats he found in town from time to time, lashing out at him if he ever dared to reach out to pet.

_No one’s ever compared me to a knife._

“Really? I _bewitched_ you?”

“I’ve been spellbound-“

“Quit your yapping!” Goro yelled, though his scream did not emit as much anger as he wanted. The repulsion that usually filled him after empty praise did not throw him off his feet as strongly as usual- there was more to Joker than he let on, his instincts told him.

Besides, for all the flatters he spoke, the storm hidden in the raven’s eyes remained dull.

“What was your real intention? No lies or jests, you hear me? Or else there will be even more blood than now!”

_I can feel, somehow…that your life means as much to you as I view mine._

_Maybe I need to remind you I can threaten you with someone else._

Goro pressed the blade against the Jester’s skin more strongly, and threw a contemplative glance towards the knight a few steps away.

Joker understood quite immediately, even without the prince forming a threat; his façade fell, and a serious look took part on his face.

“Well, I assumed from the moment you found me, Makoto at your side, that this was not the usual visit by a bored noble or royal asking for a jest. That perhaps, you were not seeking the Jester’s skills, but someone else- someone who could upkeep with a knight.”

Goro nodded slowly, never daring to look away from the gaze hidden beneath the mask.

_Strange how I feel competitive all of a sudden._

“Judging from your outrageous cries, you did not believe that such talent could lay within me. And while I am a master of the sword and more…being a Jester is an inherent trait of mine. I can’t shake the jokes off, as much as I wish.”

The raven rose his arms into a carefree gesture, as if multiple lives were not dangling on a thin thread.

_Daring and calm, despite the danger…_

_That is a good trait, actually. You must be quite the battler._

“I will not apologize for my bold actions- did they not prove you my precise skills and gracefulness? I doubt you’d expected the dagger. You were much too busy being distracted by your emotions and other things.”

The prince narrowed his eyes. “Are you suggesting…that from the moment you saw me, you’d planned this entire play out in your head already?”

_No way._

The smile lost earlier returned at full force, nearly blinding the prince.

“I wonder- a true Trickster never reveals his skills, your Highness. But I do like to view life as a sort of…chess, is it? That strategic game you nobles prefer to play? From the moment the first piece draws forth, you need to be careful of your every step, and calculate any and all that could happen.”

_How do you even know of chess- nevermind._

“Throwing a dagger at me signed you a death treaty- an early one. Congrats- you miscalculated, Joker.” Grimacing, Goro moved the dagger around-

“Oh, I was aware of how bold I was being- I am fully aware that I also took the most daring plan of all, do not worry. But seeing you, our dear prince, disregard me so blatantly- well. I knew I had to be very forward in my moves. In order to win your…faith, let’s say- I had to put on a show. So you would believe me and my hidden talents.”

“A show, huh? You did not put it up merely for my sake.”

“Oh, I do love to entertain my guests, that much is true.” Joker chuckled.

“Ha!” Goro barked a laugh- the initial anger had all but evaporated at the display of daring foolishness in front of him.

Yet there was undeniable curiosity stirring inside of him now, too, an insatiable need to find out more.

_You willingly made your friend think she had to beg me for mercy, or have both of you killed-_

“You are mad, Joker.”

“I am. I wouldn’t be a Jester if I wasn’t a little bit…insane.”

A chuckle spilled forth the prince’s lips- he quickly stopped, surprised at the sound himself.

_Am I…enjoying myself?_

_Dear. Oh dear._

He cleared his throat, a sudden wave of embarrassment flooding through him.

“So you are skilled.”

“That I am.”

“And…you would be willing to share the secrets of your trade- the way of the sword, not the one of the Trickster? I am in dire need of a teacher, you see.”

The raven tilted his head, inevitably drawing forth more blood- yet his steely gaze pinned the prince to the spot, rendering him immobile.

Goro briefly wondered who truly seemed to be in power here.

“A teacher? For…swordsmanship?”

“I have a tournament coming up in two months, and I’ll accept nothing but victory. However, I lack what you have- the skills. I have never touched a knife, even- yours is the first one. Be honored.”

Joker’s smile drew wider, his onyx eyes glittering in delight once more. “Oh, trust me- I am, your Highness. Very much.”

The prince gulped, before he quietly yelled at himself to get his act together again.

His mouth felt dry as he spoke on.

“I suppose the court can live without its Jester from time to time, couldn’t it? I can also pay you a much better wage.”

Goro drew the dagger away, staring at the bloody red lines tainting the shine of the knife.

_Is it man’s mortality that makes me feel so fascinated- or is it the origin of the blood, the man hidden behind the tale?_

“Is a better wage all you can offer?”

The prince’s head whipped up, rage glinting in his eyes- but his voice remained oddly soft.

“I’m a good disciple if I want to be- but you should also be aware of my position. I do not like to have my patience tested too often.”

“Too often? But sometimes is fine?”

“I did not say that.”

“True,” Joker grinned, “you did not. Some things are better left unsaid, are they not?”

_I truly hope the burn of my cheeks is not visible to anyone._

“Pardon me, your Highness- pardon my insolence for interrupting, too, but…does it mean…you’ll let us live?”

Goro turned around to where the knight was standing. Makoto seemed fearful- like she’d looked all day almost- afraid she’d overstepped her line once again.

“Hm…killing him is a comforting fantasy, that is true…”

“But I’m his teacher now, and the prince is far too wise to kill a man he could still steal his knowledge and skills of,” Joker chirped in, prying the dagger away in quick, swift movements- without touching the prince’s hand.

Either his gloves were sturdy enough that he wasn’t afraid of hurting himself by touching the skin of the blade- as the grip remained covered by Goro himself- _or_ he’d already heard of the prince’s aversion of touch and…actually paid mind to it.

Or maybe it was both.

_Interesting._

_Very interesting._

Whatever the case, this man here was an enigma…and indeed worth keeping alive.

Yet the his red gloves, the black garment, and the way he’d seemed so unafraid of death-

There was more than just what met the eye here, Goro was sure.

He briefly wondered if he’d be interested enough to unravel this man in his whole- but that was a question for the future.

And while there was a chance that the Trickster was out to kill him, too…

Well, that wouldn’t be anything new.

Besides, it seemed like…the prince liked playing with death and shadows, at least if the dance was done with Joker here.

“Indeed, Nijima- fear not. Both of you shall live.” He turned around towards Joker again, who was as usual- smiling.

_How much of your smile is as much of an act as 'me'?_

“It’s settled then,” he heard himself say, a challenging look in his eyes, “you shall teach me your ways.”

“Gladly.”

The smile that greeted him was luminous- a promise, and yet a cutting edge at the same time.

He had to be careful not to cut himself- and if he learned to be deft enough, maybe…

Maybe there would be more than just one reward waiting for him in the near future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Shido called for Goro, and informs him of an upcoming sword tournament held by a somewhat allied kingdom. He informs Goro that he has to take part in it, and makes him suffer while doing so, even though he also reveals he's instructed the head butler with all the needed information- meaning Goro's suffering was for naught. The poor baby loses his shit. Shido tells him he could help him find a teacher if he needs help, but there's no way Goro would want that, so ONTO SEARCHING A TEACHER IT IS AHAHAH
> 
> If you want a bit of more detail (to assess whether you can read the scene): ~~basically Shido is fully dressed, but has three naked women around him doing...stuff. And he engages a little, too, so things are very ambiguous. Which is really disgusting to watch and hear for Goro. What would have happened if you merged Kamoshida's palace and Shido's palace together? THIS AHAHAHHAHA~~
> 
> On a side note: I've chosen to let Goro address Ryuji and Makoto by their last names for now to indicate the distance between them. Goro calls Ann and Futaba by their first name because a) they don't really have a full name as their mothers never bothered to give them one and b) because he feels more connected to them than to the knights.  
> But who knows...maybe that kind of thinking towards other characters will change~? ;D
> 
> LOOK I KNOW IT'S REALLY WEIRD HOW THE CHARACTERS CAN'T JUST SAY "Hey someone called for you Prince Goro" BUT THAT'S JUST THE WAY THIS WORLD WORKS OKAY SDFJDHFKJDHJSK and also why Joker is so out of place.....hehehehehe. NOW WE CAN FINALLY START TO focus on Joker and Goro yesss. Hope you liked it! ;D I loved Joker's lines. He's so flirty and so dumb (but also smart). And Makoto HADDDDD to be a knight you hear me. THAT WAS HER CALLING!!!!  
> I think this might be the last chapter of the year....SHEESH. See you next year?? XDDD


	3. Grease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Shedding himself of his clothes, rubbing away both fresh and imaginary blood while crying and screaming silently, he threw the princely apparel out of the window- a sign for the maid to burn the cloth without questioning.  
>  Stark naked, Goro could trace every single scar on his skin, could see how tainted and disgusted he felt by his own body, wanted nothing more than to shed himself of the many imprints like a snake.  
> But he wasn’t an animal, even if the king had made him feel worth even less than that. _
> 
> _He couldn’t get rid of his body, and was a prisoner to his own mortality._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **cw: implied/referenced trauma; somewhat relief of trauma but not in full; scars; a bit of self-harm**  
>  Hello there! Hope the new year started off well, and good to see you ;D  
> Please be mindful of the updated tags and the chapter warning. Things aren't that bad in this chapter yet, but it's a buildup of what's to come ~~yikes~~ \- so be mindful reading this chapter and proceeding further on in this fic. I will gladly provide a summary of this chapter if wanted, I couldn't really cut anything out here.
> 
> They say good things come to those who wait- though for Goro, this rule doesn't apply xD.
> 
> * * *

After such a grandiose introduction, Prince Goro was all but eager to learn the way of the sword the second the two of them stepped into the privately assigned training room. For once, he was glad to be a prince- it allowed him to snatch away one of the several knight training rooms without questioning, and without delay.

But it wasn’t like he particularly liked making use of the privilege.

Suppressing a sigh about his inner turmoil, Goro turned around to the Jester, who was hiding his cheerful smile behind an inscrutable mask.

The prince crossed his arms. “Well, Joker? What now?”

An amused chuckle reverberated through the air. “What are you expecting, your Highness? A tryst? Here of all places?”

Goro’s face fell into a scowl. “I am not here for your insufferable jokes! You are to instruct me from now on- and by that, I mean this very second. Now, don’t you have anything to say to that? A few words of wisdom? On how to grab a sword?”

“A sword? Hm…” The Jester tipped a playful finger against his lips, twiddling the skin playfully between his two gloved digits.

The brunet did most definitely _not_ let the gesture stir up a myriad of butterflies in his stomach.

No.

He most definitely did not feel a different kind of queasiness inside his body.

Thankfully, the Jester let go of the rapidly reddening skin- a faint blush before- quickly, his smile disappearing as a more serious expression took place on his face.

The brunet had eagerly anticipated his next words- yet they let him down.

"I'm afraid that...for now, your Highness, I must fail your hopes of me."

"Oh?” The Prince furrowed his brows. The queasy feeling from before- that had almost felt a little pleasant- churned his food and water now, the unexpected pleasancy all but gone. Had he done a mistake already, so early in the game? “What makes you think…you will fail my hopes? Did you deceive me?" His tone turned harsh- but he bit his savage tongue when Joker held up his hands in a disarming gesture.

"I am a Jester- it is my job to read people's faces and know their thoughts. It is easy to see that you hope to swing a sword latest tomorrow. But, you see, your Highness- the sword is not easily bested. The way of the steel is a treacherous one- you need both experience, and yet also a grain of foolishness to become a master.”

Goro scoffed. "I am not here to learn the way of a Jester- "

“Oh, I assure you, you won’t,” Joker interrupted him, a sly smile appearing on his face. “The sword- as all things- needs time to learn. Imagine a Lover- are you able to satisfy the one that pleases your heart without getting to know their inner thoughts, their preferences and their dislikes prior to making love?”

The fact that Joker did not specify a sex as he talked about a lover did not pass by unknowingly; yet Goro did not deem the line to be of importance.

_~~Yet.~~ _

“I don’t give a rat’s shit about making love-“ he hissed out instead, but was interrupted by a shake of the head and a sigh.

_How audacious, really._

_Though it might be the fearlessness in his actions that make him so desirable as a teacher._

"See, your Highness- you have already made your first mistake. Let me drop the topic of love for now- you seem not a fan of it too much. But listen carefully now. The greatest danger- be it a real fight to the death or a tournament of pride- is to overestimate the danger and the potential a crafted swordfighter yields. He might seem as indifferent as myself, a Jester at court- but that says nothing of his ability to swing a sword.”

Joker smiled lightly. “You must be aware that as such, acting to be an inexperienced fool could turn out to be quite the asset- I have taken a liking to this game of chess you nobles play, let me draw a few lines to this black-and-white board. Your opponent should never know what your ridiculous moves are to mean. Yet, the craft of deceiving and fooling is not easily won. Therefore…”

The prince- finding truth in the Jester’s words- observed quietly as Joker opened his jacket, and was nearly distracted by insignificant thoughts.

_Hold- is his shirt sleeveless? I thought only women possessed of such…daring cuts. My own seamstress refused to remove my sleeves, even in the worst of summer heat; something about a prince not being fit of such attire. How come he gets to enjoy the privilege?_

_Maybe because of his position?_

_And, do tell- why is it fit so snugly onto his body? Is it really necessary for apparel to nearly stick to the body as tightly as skin itself? Or is it his attempt of seeming more feminine?_

_But why would he-_

“Your Highness?”

Goro suppressed the urge to slap himself for being as easily distracted as he’d been- and focused on the new item in possession of the Jester’s hands.

A strangle, gleaming rod of metal greeted his sight; the brunet furrowed his brows even more, yet patiently listened on.

"Before I teach you the basics of good swordsmanship- the footwork, the tactics, and of course, the act of feigning and deceiving- you need to grow adjusted to the feeling of...holding a weapon in general, and how to change your grip. See it as your first lesson- using nothing more than your own instincts to show me your final grip and form at the end of the day."

For a while, Goro merely stared at the Jester, not believing his words.

"You want me to...improvise. With a metal stick. To learn the way of the sword?" The prince blinked, hoping this had been a joke for once.

It was not.

"In fear of repeating myself- and yet, finding this of utmost importance- let me teach you the first rule of your training, my ferocious prince. The unpredictable opponent with crafted skill and honed wit, as well as the daring newcomer fused together as one person- it’s a deadly combination. But we need to start with the naked steel itself to learn and adapt as such.”

Goro raised his eyebrows, but slowly begun to reach out for the offered rod nevertheless. The Jester did not seem to be pulling wild jokes, and his words rung clear in the otherwise empty room.

Something gnawed at the prince.

"…You _will_ teach me how to use a proper sword, though, won’t you?"

"Of course! You will see that, using my old friend the rod here, will prove to be much more difficult than finding the proper grip on a sword with a handle. Therefore, no matter what sword someone might hand you in the future, you will be deft in handling it. As soon as I deem you fit, we will switch the rod with a sword, of course- picking the right weapon is still of crucial importance.”

"Weapons." The brunet narrowed his eyes.

"Yes?"

“You consider this metal rod a weapon?”

“Why- I do. It is deadly enough to put thy enemy into deep slumber- not drain their life, however.”

The prince nearly laughed. "Should I spread my newfound knowledge that the Court’s Jester hides several weapons on his body, then, or-"

Goro was not aware of the fact that the Jester only revealed things that were well-known; he would not endanger his safety in trusting the prince just yet. A sly smile spread across his face as he rebutted the amused brunet.

"They know, your Highness. You will soon learn yourself that the spilling of blood should be…kept to as few times as needed. Besides…”

Joker’s smile split into a full grin. “My mightiest weapon is well-hidden and does not see the light of the day often."

“Really? I might be interested in learning of such perfect cloaking skills as well. Might you tell me where your deadliest weapon is hidden from sight?”

The Jester did not grant him an answer, and merely laughed.

Only late in the night, exhausted and shed of the sweat, would the prince ponder over the mysterious weapon again- and yet not understand Joker’s implication in the fullest.

For now, Prince Goro begun to swing a metal rod several hundred times a day under the watchful eye of his instructor, hoping desperately he would soon be deemed good enough to use a real sword.

***

Three days later, having run several laps around the garden area while swinging a rod, his hands covered in blisters, Joker still shook his head as Goro inquired whether he was well-versed enough to grip a sword now.

He did not drop the rod as often these days- especially not as much as on the first day, since he'd finally realized how to hold the rod without sweat interfering with his grip. Though pain, exhaustion and blisters proved to be a new challenge everyday, and he begun to truly respect the metal rod as a weapon in itself- a weapon against the user, and a weapon against a fearful opponent.

He’d wondered whether to acquire gloves as well, to follow in his instructor’s image- yet Joker quietly shook his head and told him the gloves were not meant to protect from blisters, and gripping a sword would be difficult without bare skin.

The prince acquiesced, and eagerly took the advice to heart- though why he was still not good enough, he did not know.

Well, he'd be damned if he didn’t show the Jester what he was made of- a few more days would surely not grate on his nerves, would they? A bit of more delay?

Surely Goro would see the benefit of swinging this beast soon?

***

Five days had passed by now; his father had heard of Goro hiring the Jester, and merely told the head butler to express his condolences for falling so low. Failure at the competition was still not acceptable, but the king would be so kind and let the prince suffer less if he agreed to play Jester for a day or two.

Goro nearly made all his blisters bleed anew with how furiously he swung the rod that day- Joker put a halt to his advances and told him to run around the castle instead to build up more stamina.

As much as the prince felt the urge to protest, he quietly bit his lip as he flung the rod to the ground and hoped to feel better about being assigned a new task. He ran all the way to the garden with his favorite plants, and rested there for an indefinite amount of time.

Needless to say, he still felt no good, the wild, frenzy pressure on his heart and mind too much, the vivid image of himself in clown clothes as he played the flute terribly and cried and laughed tears to be allowed to stop a constant fuel to his anger and misery.

No one could offer him reprieve of that.

Could they…?

Was there a way out of this place, a peaceful place for his mind somewhere close to him still?

He did not know.

And he would never know, would he? There was just no way out of this maze.

Not one he saw himself, at least.

The tears he spilled that day remained a secret between himself and the beautiful, blooming lilies and poppies.

***

With a frustrated growl, Goro threw the heavy metal stick onto the ground.

The dawn of the seventh day with the metal rod drove him insane, and the thinly drawn line he had so far balanced his patience on broke and into two with a nonchalant snap.

"I despise this!" he yelled with as much vigor as he could muster up, glaring at the raven sitting on the ground.

And no, this was not the time to question the incredible flexibility of the Jester as he had sat cross legged for several hours now.

The raven wasn’t smiling as he replied- Goro searched in vain for his usual spirit. He was completely serious with his next words.

"No one ever said sword-fighting was going to be easy, your Highness. Or learned overnight."

The prince threw his hands into the air, an act of impatience- unbecoming for a royal. "I wasn't insinuating that! I meant that you've been instructing me to...to swing _this-"_ the prince picked up the metal rod again, and if he'd had the power, would have easily broken it in two "-all week long! And no matter how many times I asked you, you said I was still not quite there yet. Yet you fail you to elaborate. What do you mean by not quite there yet? What is the problem with me?!”

In rage, he threw the rod to the ground again, crossing his arms as if he was no better than an impatient child.

A heavy sigh resounded inside the room. “There is nothing wrong, exactly. It’s just that…Patience is a virtue, your Highness-“

“Patience will get me _nowhere_ if by the end of these two months- less than two months now- I will be able to do nothing but swing a cursed metal rod! What brilliant swordsmanship are you hoping to teach me here?! The one of a Fool’s?! I am not interested in becoming the laughingstock of the court in your place!”

The corner of the Jester’s mouth twitched, nearly falling into a grimace. “Well, one of the most important rules in swordsmanship is to be-“

“Shut your mouth! I am _sick_ of your constant teachings and wisdom and whatnot! Argh!” An inelegant sound escaping him, Goro threw the metal rod into Ren's direction.

It clattered to the ground a few feet away from him.

This did _not_ alleviate the prince’s mood in the slightest.

“Brilliant! Well done! Seven days of swinging the cursed thing, and I can’t even aim at what’s in front of my very face. How am I supposed to learn anything here?!”

Frustrated, Prince Goro fell to the ground. He buried his face in his hands.

If his physical teaching would not progress for yet another week, he'd fear never becoming a real swordsmaster, and humiliate himself in the tournament.

Though that wouldn’t even be the worst- the worst of it all was to borrow Joker’s clothes and dance and play at court for a day before being tortured and thrown into the cells.

The silent pressure in-between his shoulder blades weighted heavily on him, and despite many days seeing him fall into bed completely exhausted, he’d yet to have restful sleep.

The dark bags under his eyes spoke as much.

"Your Highness…"

_I wish I could tell you to stop calling me that._

_You do not mean to pay me any respect, anyway- you're just like the others._

_You’re just making fun of me._

His title rung through the room once more, and with a guttural growl escaping his throat, Goro rose his head.

The Jester had stood up; yet he stood far from where the prince was sulking- was the distance a coincidence, or on purpose?

Whatever it was- the silent plead written in the onyx eyes scrutinizing his miserable figure on the ground evoked nothing but more rage inside of Goro.

"Your Highness- how many times must I repeat it? The way of the blade is not an art to be learned overnight- as all arts are. I want you to understand and respect the weight of it before I teach you. Though so far, I fail to see the needed respect grow in you. It is part of the reason your grip is not secure enough and your stance too insecure."

" _Respect?"_ Goro threw the raven an incredulous look. With each word he hissed out, his voice rose. "I don't need to respect a sword- I just need the power to stab someone with it and watch them bleed to death!"

The raven’s reaction was unprecedented- the laughter echoing and bouncing off the high walls sounded eerie. "And that is _precisely_ where you're wrong, your Highness. A sword in the wrong hands, used by the wrong mindset...can easily end a life, yes- but are you even prepared to know what it means to have your hands stained with guilt and death for all of eternity? Are you even aware of how the soul of a corpse could haunt you forever? Alas, I digress…"

A chill ran down Goro’s spine as Joker caught his gaze. "Steel used carelessly- whether swung with pure power or not- may end your own life sooner than you think. Not in the sense that you might die, your Majesty…no. There are plenty of worse ways to die, you know? Many of them include living on."

_As if you even knew the meaning of your words._

_Or…do you?_

_The look in your eyes- is it of a haunted man? Tormented by guilt and pain? Having misused his power for wrong?_

_It couldn’t be. You are a Jester, after all- the only guilt you know is that to make fun of the living and dead alike._

"Are you hoping to impress me with your flowery words, Joker? I must inform you- you fail. The least of your problems will be that I might kill a man- if you don’t teach me how to fight, I might find plenty of other ways to hang your head and have your blood on my hands nevertheless.”

The prince rose up, his threatening words conveyed in a careless whisper. “You don’t have to worry about me killing someone else with steel- I can burden myself with equal guilt in many other ways.”

_In fact, I already have- failing to protect my Mother was the first of all._

The Jester merely shrugged, however, not intimidated at all. "I can’t teach you how to use a sword. Not yet. Not until I see you understanding the gravity of your actions with every grip, with every swing."

A scream bounced off the walls as the prince tore at his own hair, hissing and screaming in a tantrum. “ _When_ will you teach me, then?!”

He stamped with his feet. “When will you ever see me displaying the useless respect you wish me to acquire?! Time is running, little Jester- I can’t dwiddle my thumbs and patiently wait for the day you deem me worthy- you have no idea what’s at stake!"

_How could he?_

_~~It’s not like you trust him so as to speak of it.~~ _ ~~~~

The enraged brunet threw his hands into the air. "No, I know- this had been my own misconception from the beginning. You can’t teach me- you won’t teach me. People at court are whispering about a mad prince practicing a stage show with the Fool.”

Goro took a deep breath, throwing the quiet Jester a glare with all of his ferocity. “I dismiss you of your job- now. Go back and amuse those mindless cretins at court if you wish."

That evoked a reaction from the inscrutable face; Joker's gaze hardened- he didn’t look amused as he spoke on. "But then who will teach you? I doubt you will find an instructor in such short time- you would have easily swapped me out already if you had."

"Shut your yapping! Even with no teacher will I aspire and reach the best of skills by my own hard work- it is better than listening to empty words and false promises for any longer!"

His words sounded empty even to himself.

"Besides-" the prince hissed on nevertheless, making way toward one of the weapon stacks with loaded axes and swords "-if swinging a rod is supposed to imitate the real weapon, I should at least manage to hold one of them by now."

"Your Highness, what-"

_Tock._

" _Stop_ calling me that," Goro screamed, grabbing one of the Greatswords hung on the wooden stacks.

An alarmed look flashed by the Jester's face, and he hurriedly stepped closer as the prince foolishly begun to loosen the sword from its place even more.

"Your Highness, please, that weapon can be dangerous-"

"Dangerous? Ha!” Only dry laughter escaped the prince as he pulled the Greatsword further to himself and into his hands- he felt the weight already, was oddly aware of its size- yet anger hinged and clouded his careful mind telling him to stop.

“Because you care so much of what happens to me, don’t you? Because you care whether I die or live? BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT JUST ANOTHER PUPPET IN THIS MISERABLE PLAY, installed by my father's ploy, here to trip and hinder me-"

The sword felt heavy in his hands, carried solely by his own power now- Goro knew he would either have to let go of it right now lest he wanted to tumble to the ground and accidentally hurt himself on the sharp edge, or there would be blood.

He didn’t _want_ to let go.

He'd given in plenty of times this week, had endured shabby laughter of insignificant nobles, had endured the sight of another orgy as he told his father that he didn’t need any help, had let himself be commanded around and swing a metal rod more than a hundred times a day until his arms burned; had ran around the castle at night to spare himself more laughter to build up endurance and stamina, had lifted weights to get used to the feeling of heavy swords in his hands when his nightmares would not let him find sleep.

His patience had long been exhausted- and his will had been the only thing carrying him through so far.

Now, his tired will turned into a weapon itself, making him obsessed with the triumphant feeling of yielding a sword in his hands and-

Cutting the Jester in two.

_Yes._

_Why did I not think of it sooner?_

All he wanted to see, as the heavy weight of the sword slowly dragged his screaming arms downwards, was the red of the gloves on his own clothes; the blood of the man who'd underestimated him.

With a scream tumbling free of his deepest soul, a manic smile on his face, he fixed his gaze on the approaching figure.

"Why don't you do me a favor and _die?!"_

How Goro had managed to find the power to swing the Greatsword in a great circle, taking tentative steps forward, he would never know. His vision fueled his fantasy of splattering the raven’s corpse across the room, and he desperately wished to smell bloody iron as soon as he could.

He never hit his target.

The sword, heavy and bulky in his arms, swished by harmlessly as Joker ducked underneath.

And just like that, the prince begun to lose his balance as he stopped in his motions, the room spinning too much than for him to feel grounded, the sudden spurt of power leaving his veins, the sword slipping out of his hands and aiming to crash onto his feet and make him lose the ability to walk for a few months at best- and forever at worst.

_Ah._

_Another foolish decision made by yours truly, isn't it?_

_I should have expected as much._

As soon as the last bit of skin clinging to the handle of the sword slipped away, the prince had already accepted the inevitable.

What he had _not_ expected was the sudden lunge the raven took from his crouched position- with a leap of feline-like grace, he reached and tackled the prince to the ground.

The sword never fell onto the prince’s feet.

Goro crashed downwards - he heard both of them let out a grunt as his head bashed against the ground, the added weight furthering the pain even more.

Yet even as his vision had faded into a blinding white did he smell a flesh wound procuring blood.

_Blood._

_There’s...blood._

His vision slowly begun to return to normal as his senses came back as well- yet the onslaught of what awaited him was too much.

Grabby, musky hands clinging desperately around his torso; a heavy weight leaning onto his entire body, a head buried in his chest- a muffled groan escaping the raven as Goro saw the Greatsword had somehow slashed through his thick coat and stained the black of his apparel in a dark red.

He couldn’t see how deep the wound was; he wasn’t even sure it was a deep one or deadly.

But he saw and felt how Joker wiggled on top of him, felt the intrusive feeling of wandering hands, of blood and iron engulfing them both as a memory flashed by his eye-

_No._

_No, no, no, no, please no-_

Red, bloody gloves snuck forth his back; the iron smell thick in the air, it seemed as if they’d bathed themselves in the brunet’s body and absorbed his filled, earthly veins to taint him anew- just while making him watch.

He was frozen in shock for a second as Joker slowly pried himself off; he didn’t really see what was happening until a head appeared in his vision, a distant _“Your Highness?”_ bouncing off the tall, dark walls as the bloody, cursed hands reached for him-

A primal scream broke free off the brunet, and he kicked and pushed the figure off himself with as much power as he could, scrambling to his feet as he stumbled backwards and hit another hard wall behind him, the pain grounding him and fueling his nightmare from long ago even more.

"Your Highness-"

"Don't _touch_ me! Don't you dare- don't you _dare touch_ me-"

_He has._

_He already has._

_He’s already imprinted himself, don’t you see?_

Blood clouded his vision; tainted his white clothes in a color unpleasant to his eyes; filled the stench in the air further.

Soggy pits of blood dripped down his forehead, his throat, ran down his body and crawled under his skin- yet it wasn’t blood to fuel him-

But to drain him of his last will.

From somewhere in his mind, a giggle resounded- the unpleasant laughter of a certain person, ingrained in his memory forever.

"Don't come closer!" he screamed, as if the raven had even gotten up so far.

Or maybe the words were not meant for the Jester.

The prince was shaking, his chest heaving for air- terrible memories he'd long suppressed tried to break free of him, and the blood on his hands and clothes did not help him calm down.

He wasn’t wounded.

It wasn’t his blood- it was his mind.

_It’s not my blood?_

_It’s-_

_No._

_No, it is- it is my blood- it is the very same that-_

More pained sounds escaped the raven as struggled to get up. "Your Highness, apologize my impudence- do not fret. My wound is not deep-"

The figure, stained in his own earthly color, stepped forth, and with him came a fresh of iron wind; he dragged himself on shaky legs, accompanied with a painful scowl on his face, the bloody hands reaching towards the prince once more-

_No!_

An unearthly scream broke free of the brunet, in a volume unlike any before; black and red tainted his vision, he could not see, could only hear and feel as he scratched across his face as a concerned guard- Sakamoto- stumbled in, alerted by the sounds. "Your Highness, is everything-"

He heard the steps growing closer.

He felt his skin bleed under his own hands as he wished for everything to stop and go on all at once.

He had no weapon in his hands to defend himself as the ominous giggles grew louder and louder and begun to play with his own blood-

_Help._

_Help!_

A choked yell broke free of his throat- the world tumbled, went completely dark-

_No, no, no, no darkness, anything but that, no darkness, no, no-_

With another scream that made him lose the strength in his legs as he crashed down onto the ground once more, the world came back into view, colors flooding his sight-

The color of blood.

The smell of wounds.

And a scarred memory hoping to break free.

"No," he whispered, the first tear running down his cheek, "no, please-"

The two people he vaguely remembered knowing drew closer, concerned.

One crippled, one armed.

Goro lost the ability to speak, his voice failing him as he wanted to do nothing but scream as he trashed out aimlessly, shaking his head frantically, chanting a _stop, stop, stop, I’m begging you, please stop-_

And when the figures came too close, Goro took off-

At first, crawling on the floor like a cheap insect, before he screamed once more and got to his feet to run away.

Anywhere was better than here.

_Anywhere._

***

He didn’t bother searching for the privy before he stained the marble floor on his way to his room- someone would clean it up, wouldn’t they?

Or maybe he'd have to lap it up himself as soon as the king got wind of this-

_What does it matter?_

_I’ve throughoutly ruined my life in less than a day’s worth._

The vomit and the incessant smell slapped some sense into him- made him aware his nightmare was naught but a memory far away in the past.

Yet he could not stop his shudders and his tears as he finally reached his room and locked himself inside.

Shedding himself of his clothes, rubbing away both fresh and imaginary blood while crying and screaming silently, he threw the princely apparel out of the window- a sign for the maid to burn the cloth without questioning.

Stark naked, Goro could trace every single scar on his skin, could see how tainted and disgusted he felt by his own body, wanted nothing more than to shed himself of the many imprints like a snake-

But he wasn’t an animal, even if the king had made him feel worth even less than that.

He couldn’t get rid of his body, and was a prisoner to his own mortality.

The prince wasn’t sure whether the mirror he'd newly acquired for his room was of help here.

At some point, the angry, red skin reminded Goro of the fact that his furious scrubbing caused more blood to appear than to make it disappear- and so, he stopped his frantic motions and fell into his bed. Soon, the stench of iron vanished, and his angry body stopped bleeding.

Yet his mind would not yet cut him any slack.

_What luck to be alive,_ he sneered at himself, tears staining his face as he yanked his hair, tried to calm his ragged breathing and not relive the memory once more-

He drowned his next scream- one with a weak voice tickling underneath- into the soft pillow, and realized with another flinch that the feeling of the soft linen against his naked skin made things even worse.

In the end, he grabbed one of the pillows to muffle his endless yells as he rolled around on the cold, stone ground over and over again, hoping the cold marble underneath him would drown out the feeling of skin and touch and feathers and clothes-

He wasn’t happy when he fell asleep.

He didn’t feel better in the morning as an old memory plagued him all day and night.

But most of all, he hated himself for his weakness, and wanted nothing more than to peel away every single part of skin that had ever been touched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean it when I say we're gonna delve further and more explicitly into what's gotten our baby prince here so scared. I'm not sure if it will be the upcoming chapter yet or whether I'll cut the upcoming events into two, so we'll see!  
>  ~~Does anyone remember me saying I'd finish this in 20K? AHAHAHAHAH. My current word count (of things I still need to edit) is 25k. So um. Yeah.~~  
>  Look I have genuinely no idea how long this is gonna be DON'T ASSSSKKK XD  
> I hope you enjoyed this little build-up here! And don't worry, we'll get to actual sword training at some point LOL but there are some more things we gotta get through first (or that Goro has to go through first AHAHAHAHA)


	4. Madness runs deep in the starved man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Goro took a few steps back- he realized, with a jolt, that this man…  
>  **Makes my hair stand up and crawl all over my skin.**_  
>  __  
>  ~~  
> _Humans fear the unknown, don’t they?_  
>  ~~  
>  __  
> ~~And you are made of flesh and bone, just like him.~~  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **cw: starvation**
> 
> Hi there! First things first; I've added in some old english insults lmao here's a short explanation:  
> Dorbel: petty, very picky "nit -picking" teacher (I've decided to turn this into an adjective lmao)  
> Yaldson: son of a prostitute
> 
> And since a lot of insults derived from the French language back in the medieval age (which is??? wild to me??)  
> Merde= shit; crap; fuck; a curse word in French lmao
> 
> Uhhhh I think that's about all? If you stumble upon any word/meaning I forgot to explain here, do tell!  
> Also, if you stumble upon missing punctuation (esp towards the end) that's all intentional I MEAN IT!!! XD  
> Have fun! (And be careful of the warning/tags, as always!)
> 
> * * *

The fact that he didn’t hear sneers and calls as soon as his eyes blearily opened surprised Goro.

~~No matter.~~

~~They had haunted him all night long anyway.~~

Then again, he’d locked his chamber door before he’d fallen asleep yesterday- to at least uphold _some_ of his dignity, that was; so why was he so surprised to have his precautions work effectively?

_Dignity._

_As if I’d have any left, given what a miserable existence I am._

It could have been quite the sight- a naked prince, screaming on the ground as if driven mad by the sight of his own body, crying out about his existence as he scratched and injured himself in an attempt to alleviate the pain.

The pitifulness dripping forth his very soul would have been visible to anyone foolish enough to enter.

And there was no way anyone could have rid themselves of the sight ever again.

~~Maybe that was scared Goro the most: having his core exposed forever.~~

His entire body ached- he felt his bones and spine cracking and popping with each and every movement he dared to take, and his skull gave off a dull, rough pain that would surely haunt him for at least the entire day. With his body having been exposed to the cold air in his room for so long- there was a reason the king had assigned his quarters to be in the most weatherly affected parts of the castle- the prince briefly wondered whether he was going to catch a cold and suffer under a fever soon.

_If I do, at least I'd have an excuse never to step outside again._

With a sigh, Goro reached into his measly staffed wardrobe to get dressed and plunge himself into torture once anew.

_I wonder if they told Shido about yesterday’s happenings yet-_

_He will laugh about this all month long, won't he?_

_Tell the entire court?_

Goro wanted nothing more than to bury himself in his sheets again.

But alas- he could not.

He was a prince, and as much as he’d embarrassed himself to his bones and made sure he was the laughingstock for the rest of the month, he needed to present himself in the most unaffected way over and over again.

_I always knew how much I loathed my life, but…_

_I wasn't aware **how much.**_

****

Ironically, Sakamoto was the least measly pest he thought of- he knew the blonde didn’t like him; if Sakamoto decided the entire royal family, including Goro, was made of scum-

Well, it wouldn’t surprise the brunet, really.

Yet at the same time, Goro had troubles imagining the blonde running his mouth off about the prince, when his hatred was more focused on the kingdom and the ruler itself, and less…well, him.

****

Joker, however? Joker was an unpredictable force- there was absolutely nothing Goro knew about him, except what few things he’d personally experienced about the man the last few days.

Which wasn’t much, really.

_How can the existence of a single man cause forth so many questions?_

Goro chewed his lip.

_Would he be someone to sell my story to the king?_

The truth was simple: the prince did not know.

And it infuriated him, really.

_Why is he so hard to read? I’ve never heard of a Jester like him._

_Especially not a Jester so dorbel._

_Just thinking of it makes me mad._

Suppressing his anger, Goro found some appropriate garments- he never let any maid aid him in his dressing process- and unlocked the door, a heavy sigh escaping him.

_Alright. Let’s begin this never-ending torment._

The prince expected a lot of things- including a food tray usually served to the dogs or the horses; a woman dressed in indecent clothing, offering herself as she laughed about his misery; the head butler informing him the Jester had left court never to return again-

_~~They all leave, one way or another.~~ _

Instead, a yelping blonde jumped several feet away, which in turn caused the brunet to nearly scream as well.

It would have been a sight so see for sure; the prince seemed to excel at proving himself in undignified behavior nowadays.

_Shido would surely say that for a yaldson, this comes as no surprise._

The thought made Goro turn sour. His earlier fear and shock disappeared, replaced immediately by the old burning torch he carried around as his sole comrade as he clenched his fists and imagined burying the king’s corpse somewhere the world would see.

"Y-Your Highness," Sakamoto croaked, his face as pale as linen as he yanked the prince out of his murderous daydreams.

_Ah, of course._

_It makes sense that he’d be among the first to have the privilege of throwing insults at me._

_Though it does make me wonder where Joker is- after all, is he not fit perfectly for this job? Would he not provide a never ending stream of jokes and wit?_

_Maybe this really has been a ploy by my father all along- it would fit him to be so cunning._

The imaginary torch in his hands, the prince wished for nothing more but a ferociousness that could burn down entire villages and lands, that could stake a single man with a mere glare, that would make the vile scatter and scream for mercy as Goro gave them none-

Yet the torch’s flame was nothing but a flicker today, its usual burning nature nothing but a soft caress on the skin, a mere scratch, one could say.

The prince, to put it shortly, was exhausted; the night had grated at him more than he wished to admit, and so his will of rebellion was squashed with a single flicker of the hand;

Tired, lonely and miserable, Goro found himself willingly succumbing to today’s fate. What was one more day to his history, after all?

All he needed to focus on was survival- he could conjure up the anger and hatred later, could he not?

So instead of screaming at the scared-looking knight, who hadn’t said a word or raised his gaze so far, the brunet sighed once more, hiding the unhappy frown trying to appear on his face.

"Go ahead. Pull the first few jests at my expense. I am well aware his Majesty must have ordered you to do so- do it quick now. I feel quite hungry, and if I must spend the next few days listening to jests and laughter- well, I'd rather do so while my stomach is full, really."

It was somewhat amusing to see the blonde’s mouth opening and closing so quickly in succession- had he forgotten his text?

Or was it that…

The prince crossed his arms, ignoring the angry growl his stomach gave off. "So his Majesty is going to starve me as well? Well, I suppose in order to break my spirits, that is indeed a wise course of action. Would you be so kind as to tell me for how long?"

Sakamoto begun to stutter. “What?! N-no! Um, I mean- why…What does his, uhhhh, his Highness mean, exactly? P-please pardon my…my rude speech, I- what is this about starvation and…and jests?!”

_Is he mocking me?_

“Is this a new way of amusing oneself at my expense? Fine. If feigning obliviousness is the more interesting way to tease me now, so be it. I hadn’t expected my father to have the courtesy of explaining me the new rules he set, anyway.”

A bitter laugh escaped the brunet. “No, really- why had I even believed in anything else? I am even more foolish than the fool-“

The prince’s voice grew louder and louder with each word, and he nearly screamed at the guard- yet it wasn’t anger speaking from his voice, or hatred; it was simple, black tainted bitterness seeping forth his voice, a rage similar and yet so different of usual disdain and resentment.

Sakamoto cowered and did not dare raise his gaze, though he gathered his courage to fill in the silence that settled once the prince had given room to some of his thoughts. “N-no…listen- uh, I mean, your Highness, if you were so kind as to-“

“Spit it out! I don’t have time all day!”

_And I’d rather have this over as quickly as possible._

_Though, knowing my father…he will enjoy prolonging this._

The blonde straightened up, a determined look on his face.

“Your Highness. I can assure that- if I may be allowed to talk freely- that I shall explain my presence here. I swear on my blade and my honor as a knight that I know nothing of the things his Royal Highness just stated. Will I be given the chance to…properly bring forth the request that brought me here?”

Impressed by how well the blonde had maintained his formal speech, Goro was momentarily stunned- his silence was taken as agreement.

The knight cleared his throat. “Right. Yes. Uhm. I may have…requested to take on the duty of guarding his Royal Highness today. Mexilla- the usual knight patrolling here- didn’t put up a lot of resistance, and happily traded duties with me for the day. I did that- well, a certain someone beseeched me to find you and…”

The blonde’s throat bopped.

_A joke._

_This is a joke, correct?_

“Your Highness.”

Sakamoto- _the_ Sakamoto, known for being a notorious no-good – fell to his knees.

And put his hand over his chest.

_His chest._

_He’s pressing his hand against his heart._

_Is this a dream?_

“Your Highness. My friend- the Jester- he sincerely apologizes for overstepping his boundaries and…and forcing his Highness to flee the room. He did not wish for it to happen. Joker said he is unaware what his mistake was, but that it was unforgiveable all the same. No one has heard about the incident- no one, I swear once more. There were no knights patrolling the vicinity, and neither me nor Joker are very interested in spreading uncouth rumors. Um…”

Sakamoto cleared his throat. “If his Highness do wishes to grant Joker the honor of forgiveness and mercy- he has told me to come fetch him. He did not appear himself because…because he is afraid his presence is unwanted. However, he is prepared to face appropriate punishment and wishes for judgement to be imposed onto him.”

_What._

_What?_

“What?” The prince stared in disbelief.

He didn’t know what shocked him more- that Sakamoto had learned formal speech and used it appropriately, or the content of his speech.

The blonde, meanwhile, nodded gravely, unaware of the turmoil he had just summoned up. “I- I do not come here as his friend, your Highness. Please do not misunderstand- oh, I mean…please, his Highness mustn’t misunderstand. I have come to deliver Joker’s message, and…”

The knight visibly fought with himself as he brought forth the next words.

“I- I respect his personal wish of…proper punishment. _Because_ he is my friend. Therefore, it is not my place to interfere in this matter. Even if I- no. It is not my place to say anything here. A-anyway. Please…let him know what he has to do to earn your forgiveness.”

_Forgiveness?_

_Forgiveness???_

_This is all some jest, I’m sure._

_A mad plan enacted by the king himself- yet for what reason?_

The knight kneeling on the ground would not tell him the answer.

A vileness crept into his heart; the black bitter feeling engulfed the prince momentarily, and as tired as he was, he did not fight it- or rather, he had no goodness left inside him to battle it, as the ghosts of his past came to whisper into his ears, hugged him and caressed him as if they were old, friendly acquintances.

He’d never mean the words rolling forth his tongue- he’d never wish to inflict pain and torment on anyone else besides Shido and his lackeys.

But bitterness is such a fickle thing; it does not listen to the person’s soul, nor does it bend to its will unless you’re strong enough for it to do so.

And Goro, right now- he was as strong as the single rye against the wind.

Abandoned and crushed with a single memory.

“Tell him to lock himself into the cells, if he so begs for punishment. Tell him to refuse food and water, and only intake as much as he needs to survive. If he is compliant, maybe I will free him of his misery.”

The blonde’s eyes widened in shock- a reaction noted duly by the bitter prince.

Laughter drew forth his throat. “Oh? You think a measly rebel against the royal family means something? Or perhaps you think I’m being too kind. Should I sever my punishment?”

He’d never seen a man shake his head so fast.

“Good,” he spat out, so sure his words would be mocked in front of the court in less than a few hours. “He shall know the border between humanity and madness.”

With that, the prince strutted away, leaving the guard behind.

He was not aware- nor would he ever know- how much weight lay in his words.

But he’d know soon enough.

***

When neither the king nor the court itself behaved differently than on any other day, a worry befell the prince; yet he was sure the obliviousness was a ploy soon to come down and crush him. After all, today marked only the first day after the incident; surely the king would want him to feel safe before he lashed out at him.

So the prince kept quiet himself as well, and since no one questioned his actions, he fell into his daily routine- without swordfighting, of course.

***

On the second day, the worry befalling his heart begun to ache; he heard a few maids whisper here and there about the missing presence of the Jester, but Goro was sure it was all part of the script.

***

On day three, he had Ann summon Sakamoto to his room again; the knight did not hide the angry scowl on his face as he appeared, though he tried his best to hide it.

“Sakamoto.”

“Yes, your-“ A curse word was muttered there, Goro was sure, “-your Highness.”

“It has come to my awareness that the Jester has disappeared. Do you know of his whereabouts?”

A sneer escaped the blonde. “His _whereabouts?_ Don’t you know best- I mean, yes. I do. Know where he is.”

The brunet raised one of his eyebrows, a sickly feeling befalling him. “Where?”

Sakamoto spewed the next words. “The royal cells, obviously. Starving himself to death- and yet also not. I must say, your Highness- the punishment inflicted on him was exactly what I’d expected of the royal family. It befalls on me, of course, to deliver my starving, dying friend his supper and water- and even that, I have to force down his throat. And- and you know what he tells me- what he-“

The blonde cursed loudly as he bit his lip, silencing himself.

“Speak,” Goro commanded, the queasy feeling of his stomach returning tenfold, his heart racing as he grew aware that even Sakamoto was not capable of acting _that_ well.

Or was he?

The prince couldn’t trust anyone; why would a knight and a Jester be any different than the many cruel acts Shido had inflicted on him all these years?

Or why would he care about anyone else suffering?

_~~Because it would be my fault~~ _

_~~Because I’m not a cruel tyrant~~ _

_~~I don’t want to be~~ _

_~~Or have I already become one?~~ _

“Speak!” he screamed at the stubborn blonde, who then dared to growl back,

“He tells me that- that you’re being kind by letting him live.”

Goro nearly retched all over his own room.

“You will show me- the way to this fool’s cell. Now!”

Sakamoto looked like he wanted to do anything but that.

But he was simply a knight, at the end of the day; unless he wanted his head- or his friend’s head- to roll, he had to comply.

“Why? So you can inflict more-“

“Because I am the only one who can release him of his misery, you imbecile!”

Though the defiance burned bright in the blonde’s eyes still, he turned around and spat, “Fine. Follow me then, if you wish.”

And though Goro pretended to be deaf, he heard the “Not like I believe there’s _any_ goodwill in you, really.”

He didn’t care about this knight’s opinion- he could have had him beheaded for this if he wanted.

Yet the words stung.

Why?

_Why indeed._

***

“Oh? Do my eyes deceive me? Or is that a pretty-“

“Spare me your jests,” Goro interrupted harshly, his voice sharp as the knife he'd yet have to wield, “I have no time for them.”

“As you wish, your Highness.”

The prince crossed his arms, all but on edge. Despite Sakamoto's protest, he'd left the knight behind to stay guard in front of the entrance.

_It wouldn’t do to be seen here._

_~~Even though you were at home here so often?~~ _

The prince nearly growled- _that was different,_ he told himself, _I didn’t...visit anyone here back then. I was forced to stay._

_Even if I did stay here longer from time to time by my own free will._

_~~But it's still your home now, isn't it?~~ _

_~~So is he a long awaited visitor, or an intruder?~~ _

The brunet briefly wondered whether it was possible to silence his own thoughts forever.

Though he wore gloves, Goro could remember the cold touch the iron bars impregnated onto his skin back when he was still a frequent visitor down here. He was well acquaintanced with the grotesque smell of the cells as well- they stunk similarly to the sewers, just that the smell of corpses and death hung in the air more strongly than someone’s vomit or excrement.

And given how Joker smelled-

Well, Goro could be sure he really _had_ spent a few nights down here.

That did nothing to calm the racing of his heart- if anything, it added to it.

There was no way to confirm whether the Jester had starved himself or not- just like how many other things about the raven remained a secret so far. The prince didn’t even know how he and Sakamoto- or the rest of the court- were affiliated, whether he had family, where he lived-

Nothing.

_Is it really a wonder, then, that I do not know how to trust him or his so called friends?_

Quiet, onyx eyes watched him as he let his hands wrap around the bars, caressing them gently.

“It has come to my attention that you seem to have retreated into these cells and starved yourself on…my behalf. Is that true? Why- or rather, what- would a sane man drive to do this, Jester?”

His voice came out harsher than intended- or maybe he truly wished to sound as severe.

He wasn’t sure. His grip on the metal tightened, and he briefly wondered whether it was possible to crush metal with his bare hands.

After a brief silence in where the raven had averted his gaze, and what few rays managed to shine into the cell lighted up his eerie mask, he slowly begun to speak. “Your Highness, if I may?”

Goro suppressed a bark. “You have _never_ cared about my status, Jester- don’t pretend to do so now. And you must not be in proper mind if you ask for permission to speak when I requested you to do so.”

“You have been calling me Jester twice now- have you forgotten how to use my name? Though it is not my right to blame you, really.” A chuckle escaped the caged man. “You wish to know what led me here? Why, your Highness, you’ve already said so yourself- it was your wish, and your own judgement.”

A growl escaped the prince as he slammed his fist against the bars. “Indeed, it was my wish. Yet no one in the entire court- no one in the past, what, fifteen years that have passed since I first came here, has ever listened to my requests. Why would _you_ be different? Why would you-“

Goro bit his lip- he had revealed too much of himself already.

 _It must be the intimacy of this place,_ he told himself, _that makes my tongue so loose._

_Ironic how a prison of all places feels safe to me._

“I’ve seemed to have done you wrong- not in the art of swordsmanship, of course, but…something else.”

The Jester furrowed his brows. “It is not my place to ask what exactly I wronged you in. But you were kind enough not to request my head roll twice now- it is only befitting, therefore, that I be punished for my wrongdoings for this fatal mistake of mine now, while I seek your forgiveness.”

_It’s odd that he says this- in order to have his head roll, word would still reach the king._

_And doesn’t he know that the king would do anything but allow something that pleases me? He’d put a stop to the guillotine being used before it was even put in place._

_Ah- of course._

_This must be it. Why didn’t I think of this before?_

_~~History loves to repeat itself, doesn’t it?~~ _

Anger boiled up inside the prince as the next few words left his mouth. “You do excel at playing the role of a Jester, really- your jokes are impeccable. Yet I know for you to have an existence at the court, my father must have approved of you. You’re in cohesion, are you not? The king must pay you well for trying to gain my sympathy.

Tell me, Jester…what has he promised you? Fame? Women? Money? Excess? Ha! Mankind is so easily blinded by the empty promises of the rich that they do not see the deathly trap behind the golden words!”

Despite rage dripping forth with every word, the raven chuckled. “I can understand your mistrust, your Highness- but do believe me when I say I am not of the nature of a double-edged sword here. Though of course…must you make yourself sure of my honest intention of apologizing, I do not mind spending a few more nights here.”

“And starve yourself to death even more?” Goro sounded incredulous.

“Yes.”

“To ask for my forgiveness.”

“Indeed.”

“For something you don’t even know the reason of.”

The ghostly figure nodded.

“You are, indeed, mad. Mad beyond help. If you die tomorrow, won’t you blame me for your death? Will you not curse my name, my existence?”

“No,” the Jester dared to laugh, “I believe in your wisdom, your Highness. If you let me die, I deserved it. But…I believe you would not let it come so far. You care too much- whether it’s for my skills or myself, I do not know. But you do care- or else, you wouldn’t even have bothered to come down here.”

An abundance of frenzy lightning bolts, charged with ire, flashed through the prince’s body- it felt as if he’d been set on fire with only a few words.

_~~What power he holds over you- impressive.~~ _

“ _No_ ,” he yelled, furious, “I do not care about a miscreant like you. I do not care! I would let you rot here and die and wouldn’t ever look back- you’re worth to me a mere pebblestone, you know? I do not care about you. I-“

“Even a pebblestone is worth something to the Unarmed, your Highness. And as I said before- you came down here for a reason.”

The prince screamed. “I came here to see you suffer!”

The Jester shook his head. “No. That is a blatant lie, your Highness. See, in all this time I’ve been here, I’ve heard quite a lot of stories- yet stories of the prince’s cruelty…were naught but lies and rumors. It is indeed odd to me that you imprisoned me- yet there must be a reason. I will not pursue the reasoning, though- all that I know is that you came here simply because you were worried, or that you regretted something.”

“For a starving man, you sure talk a lot.”

The raven laughed. “I saved my energy for the day you come visit me. I wasn’t finished quite yet, your Highness.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. See, of course, the truth eludes me, yet I do believe you’re not one to let humans die because they err. Or have them be hanged of an unaware wrongdoing. You did not…seem a tyrant the short time I instructed you.

I’m well aware you must not trust me, though- so I hoped your punishment…was a way to test my honesty. Which I hope to prove.”

The Jester, seeing how the prince had fallen into stunned silence, smiled. “I believe you do not wish me harm. You did not chide me for frequently ignoring the court’s rules and addressing you by your name, therefore disrespecting you. You listened to my instructions without a fuss. And while I now know I tested your patience too far, I’ve never had a disciple as eager as you. You respected me and my skills- far beyond the status of our roles.”

The raven sighed. “It was my own mistake not to ask for your boundaries- that’s what led to this. It is my own fault, really. Yet I don’t believe, as I said, that you’d want me to starve to death. I believe…you might regret the severity of this punishment, but are unsure on how to revoke it. It’d tarnish the role you have to play at court- yet you do not…”

Joker mustered him. “You do not seem to care much…about the title of a ‘prince’. It seems to me, rather…that you’d love to strip yourself of it. But since you cannot, you are constantly…in a dilemma. Which is what led you here, too.”

_Merde._

_How can a mere Jester know so much of me- of the court?_

_Is it because of his observing nature?_

_Or simply his shrewdness?_

Goro growled. “Shut your damn mouth! Shut it, I say! I could have you hanged for the assumptions and the lies you spread about me- you would die with a single flick of my hand-“

“I won’t die.”

The prince, mad with anger, rose one of his legs- and kicked the metal bars separating them with as much power as he could muster up.

It did not budge even a little under his power, of course- he was too weak for that.

_~~That’s because you’re weaker and more predictable than a worm, would you not say?~~ _

Spurred on by his own internal mocking, Goro’s anger exploded.

“You think you know everything about me, don’t you?! You also think you have the power to defy death?!”

“I have to admit- I am usually not one for risky bets and tries. Yet…”

“Why take the stupid risks, then?!”

“Because of you, your Highness. If you’re trapped in a cage- whatever the cage consists of- it is my duty as your teacher to free you from it before…we move on, that is.”

_He sounds like her, almost._

_The same sickly sweet words that trapped me stronger than the world’s worst venom._

_But now, I know better._

_I know who drives him to say these things._

_\---Tock._

The fuse went off.

Goro kicked against the metal bars one more time.

“Tell me, Joker, really, do tell me- how much did he promise you for this? All of this? For sneaking your way into my life? For trying to make my tongue all loose-”

_But wasn’t I the one who sought him out?_

“For trying to make me- make me _worry_ about- about someone again-“

_Again?_

_~~He’s not her.~~ _

_~~He might be.~~ _

“For making me respect your decisions and opinions about how to train-“

Joker only tilted his head.

“Whatever he told you- whatever he promised you- it’s a lie. It’s all a lie. A lie, a lie, a lie!”

A primal scream echoed through the cells.

“All of this- is a lie. Not real. Not the truth. No suffering, no torture is worth the empty promise behind. Do not trust the words of a king, Jester; he is only interested in using you for as long as you’re worth something. Like- like entertaining him.”

The last words were naught but a choke of thin air.

“But afterwards- he will let you bleed and die-“

_She did not bleed._

_She did not die, either._

_She made a good deal- and she seemed to enjoy what she got out of it._

_~~So aren’t you merely telling yourself things you wish he should believe in, Goro?~~ _

_~~Why?~~ _

The prince suppressed a shudder.

_~~But I bled in her stead.~~ _

_~~And I died, too.~~ _

He shook off the intruding thoughts with a wild shake of his head- just in time for the Jester to reply.

“I thank you for your wise words, your Highness.”

“Another lie?” Goro would laugh if he wasn’t feeling so miserable. “You’re insatiable.”

“I’m not. I might be a Trickster, but…It is not in my nature to lie, your Highness.”

The raven’s eyes seemed to glow behind the mask- and the prince, overwhelmed by the wild energy presented plainly in a dying man’s eyes, took a step back.

“I can see, though, denying the claim will do me no good. Listen to me, your Highness. I will remain in this stinky old cell and befriend the rats for until you forgive me- no, until you trust me enough to let me out again.”

“And then what?”

_It is not fit for a prince to sound so terrified._

_~~But he’s someone to be scared of.~~ _

_~~Isn’t he?~~ _

“Well, if by chance, you wish to employ my services as your teacher once again…I will be glad to help you. I do not mean to find out about your past, your secrets, or anything else- though it would lighten the burden on my shoulders if you told me about…certain rules, and set boundaries.”

A coy smile appeared on the raven’s lips. “I will patiently wait for the day you wish to show me your true self- if only a glimpse of it. Until then, I will rot here for as long as needed.”

The prince sounded incredulous. “You will rot in this cell and die the measly Jester you are if you think I’d let you leave. If you- believe in such…folly. My true self? _My true self?_ “

“I only wish for you to be honest about the rules you set- not the reasoning behind them, your Highness.”

The raven grinned confidently. “Though, in case you do want to entrust me your ‘self’…I would gladly welcome it, of course.”

“You will die by these words.”

“I am prepared to die, your Highness. Yet, as I said before- should you not order my death clearly, will I battle and fight against the Grim Reaper forever. Though it’s certainly unfair- a scythe against a dagger? I really have to go all out here.”

The wild energy thrumming inside the prince’s veins slowly seemed to fade- though the racing of his heart did not- and he only managed to croak out a weak “Why?”, feeling the hands inside his gloves grow slick with sweat.

A wistful look stole itself into Joker’s eyes. “Trust- and a reliable bond between a teacher and his student- is undeniable the most important thing to make a relationship work, especially if it’s about the art of the sword. There is no way I can teach you anything, your Highness, unless you trust me.”

Goro’s tongue felt dry as he spoke- though later, he’d wonder whether it was truly him asking this question, and not…

Some other being possessing his body.

“I am assuming…if I need to trust you…then the same applies to you in turn, doesn’t it?”’

“Indeed.”

Goro was scared of speaking on- the words that would come forth the Jester so easily were part of his nightmares.

“So you trust me?”

“Of course,” Joker laughed. “I trust you with my life- hence why I shall stay here.”

The prince clenched his fists as he recoiled.

_Liar._

_Liar!_

_No one would trust me with their life like that._

_No one!_

_~~But he is, isn’t he?~~ _

_The only person I trust- and that trusted me with their life- might be rotting away out there for all I know._

_And here I am._

_Useless. Stuck._

_Absolutely incapable of anything- I cannot help her._

_Or the day I do, it will be for naught, who knows?_

The prince took a deep breath.

_I have to bring this to an end- quickly._

“I will repeat this…as many times as necessary- believing in your folly will lead to your death.”

_Damn my voice for sounding shaky._

_Damn me!_

“Such is my duty and my job, your Highness- it comes with risks and dangers. My fate rests in your hands- until you forgive me for what I did, whatever it was, I will stay here. And of course…until you trust me enough.”

The prince stepped closer again- a tantrum reigned inside of him, a storm called forth by a raven haired man with a simple flick of his hands-

Or the look in his eyes.

_As terrifying as he is- as dangerous as all this will be-_

_~~I suppose a part of me still wishes for this~~ _

_~~I suppose I’d be willing to take a risk~~ _

_No!_

_Stop this at once!_

“It makes no sense to me,” he spat out, his brows furrowed together, and Joker- of course- inquired what.

“You were the one injured- not me. And the incident- you didn’t even…tell anyone. One of the maids claims to have wiped up the vomit near my chambers and she was told to do so by your request- she said you told her you had had too much to drink, and hoped your mistake would not be noticed by me. How can you…? Why would you-?”

_~~How can you go so far?~~ _

_~~Why would you go so far?~~ _

The words were choked and suffocated inside his throat- there was no way he could ever say them again.

_\---I couldn’t be worth it_

_I was **never** worth it---_

“It’s my duty as your teacher to protect you from danger- and take responsibility for the mistakes I caused myself.”

Goro took a few steps back- he realized, with a jolt, that this man…

_Makes my hair stand up and crawl all over my skin._

_~~Humans fear the unknown, don’t they?~~ _

_~~And you are made of flesh and bone, just like him.~~ _

“You really want me to believe you’ll stay here forever by my demand?” ~~~~

“Yes.”

_~~If his words are to be trusted, can he truly be a mortal?~~ _

The prince said nothing as he turned around and strode off.

There was nothing left to say.

And he hoped desperately that Joker did not notice the haste in his walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upcoming: the reveal of Goro's trauma(s)  
> I'm sorry the chapter text seems a lil dense on mobile- might change that up later, but for now, it is what it is.  
> Hope you had fun (???)!


	5. And so, he sings of tragedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _As if delirious, Goro walked further in- despite the weak protests thrown after him._
> 
> _He didn’t hear them._
> 
> _All that haunted him were old memories- memories as comfortable as cutting edge and endless pain._
> 
> _In the filthiest and darkest corner, where no sunlight could reach, where deciphering his face would be impossible-_
> 
> _That was where Goro slowly sat down, huddling his knees close to his body._
> 
> _**If this is my end, at least let me tell a fellow dead man of my wounds.** _
> 
> _His voice was naught but a whisper, yet he was sure the Jester would hear everything he said- because no doubt was he curious what Goro wanted to say, as he had never ignored his words._
> 
> _“Being thrown into a prison cell and starved is the kindest torture there is, Joker.”_
> 
> _A ragged sigh escaped the brunet- he noted with amusement how the raven had grown quiet, and how it seemed as if he'd been the one locked and starved for days now, given the sounds he emitted._
> 
> _“It’s a kindness to beg for.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **cw: starvation; torture**  
>  I'm sorry for disappearing for so long. This chapter and the following gave me major difficulties. I've originally planned to post them in one go, but I decided to split up the chapters to ensure a little break and a better flow- 15k at once is a bit overwhelmend imo ~~says the one who posted a 20k epilogue once~~.  
> Short explanation: The flashback starts as soon as the double bracket appears, though time passing in the flashback itself will be indicated by the *** as always.  
> A little warning for the next chapter: that one is nasty as fuck. Mind the tags!
> 
> * * *

Breakfast was as usual.

No less amount of judging gazes were thrown his way- but also, no _more_.

And, most importantly, the ignorance was the same as it always had been.

Things, to the unknowing man, could seem more than just peaceful. The truth, however, strayed far from that.

Of course, the Jester’s disappearance was noted by longing hearts, whom Sakamoto himself soothed and calmed- much to the prince’s surprise. He made it his duty to tell the story of how poor Joker insisted on crafting a sword for the prince, and that he must have disappeared in his quest of forging a masterpiece.

Most amusing was that Goro did not receive any glares because of this- except by Sakamoto, who, whenever their paths crossed ways, tried to hide his defiant gaze and his bubbling anger.

To no avail, of course.

_I don’t expect him to understand._

_Would I err from my way now, it would be naught but a repeat of what happened back then- trust, given carelessly, wreaks havoc._

_So if Joker has to die for my fear to vanquish…then so be it, right?_

_...Right?_

***

Two days.

Goro was able to escape the onslaught of guilt and shame for two additional days after his conversation with Joker in the cells before his defiance broke and he was left with nothing but regret.

Though maybe regret did not express the prince’s feelings quite well- Goro did not _regret_ anything.

No.

He realized one fateful night that he was just too weak to live on with the death of an innocent man hanging on his shoulders- he was, he angrily realized, not strong enough to withstand such guilt.

To say he was kind would be too much flattery; to say he was selfish was fitting.

Therefore, the next time Ann came to deliver him a message and fresh garments, he ordered the maid to come in and close the door.

Only the timid way she heeded his command made Goro realize that he might have given her...the wrong impression.

She tried her best to look levelled- yet the quiver of her lips, the slightest hint of a frown and her burning eyes told him all that he had to know.

Ann was afraid.

Of course. Prince Goro was not known to invite anyone into his chambers. Usually, such invitations by royals or nobles meant nothing more than proclaiming their intention to deflower and use the maid to their own amusement.

And given the servant's status, refusal would result in death at best or murder of their loved ones at worst.

Goro was not keen on keeping this false impression up- he'd tripped once already, discarded his morals in protection of himself and his fear; he would not risk to repeat this mistake again.

~~At least, he hoped so.~~

He cleared his throat.

“Ann.”

She let out a squeal as he came closer, her face filled fear as her mask fell, a mouse trapped by its predator- and her gaze did not know where to stay, knew she was not allowed to look at him and see what remaining time she had left, and yet-

Goro came to a halt.

He hoped his insecurity did not shine through as he spoke up in hushed tone, “What do you know...about the Court Jester's whereabouts?”

Almost immediately did the prince see the tension leave the blonde's body- if only a little. She was still alert, her eyes wary as she spoke up, and one of her hands reached for her other wrist to wrap itself around it in an attempt to hide her tremble.

“I am afraid that…I do not know much about that. I heard…I heard rumors that he was employed as his Highness’ sword instructor, of course, and Ryuji- Sakamoto told curious maids he'd left the court a few days ago, but not much more than that.”

The brunet suppressed both a growl and a sigh as he saw her grow taut again.

In a way, he wished he could ascertain her touching a woman was the furthest thing in his mind- yet he was also aware that saying such a thing was not befitting his position, and he didn't know...whether he could trust her not to spread gossip.

He was already attempting something dangerous- he couldn’t raise the stake at play even more.

_She will have to fear me as long as I am the prince, I suppose._

“So the court has heard about my new teacher, then. Surely you maids chatter more than that, however- tell me all you know of the rumors about my sword training. If you do…a certain fate might be spared to befall you."

The blonde flinched- she observed him quietly, a look of caution on her face.

Goro knew his request was more of a gamble- nobles were not known to hold their word, they took what they wanted with as much violence as needed.

Royals would go even further than that.

_In a way, am I not the same?_

As his face twisted into a scowl, the maid replied. “Uhm…It is said his Highness has been diligently visiting his training quarters day by day. Some say that they have not stumbled upon the Jester the last few days, and are unsure whether Sakomoto speaks the truth. Yet since the prince returns to the hall diligently, there is no reason not to believe the knight’s story."

He fixed the maid with an intimidating stare. “I see. Is that all, Ann? Is that all everyone knows?"

Taken aback by the frantic look on the prince's face, Ann remained wary, and nearly stumbled as she took a step back. “I…I’m not sure. But this is all the maids know. I swear...I swear on my life it's all I heard!"

Were he a different man, he might have pushed her against the wall, dug his hands into her shoulders as he clashed their foreheads together to ensure she told the truth- yet his repulsion to touch left him to merely stare her down, hoping to assert his dominance in the pressed voice that slipped out and the glare speaking from his eyes.

He knew he was weak.

But he had no other choice than to accept and fight as the weakling he was.

“You really do not know where the Jester is?! Is it worth lying if your head rolls for it?”

“N-no! Your Highness, please, I-“ Ann's voice nearly turned into a high-pitched wail, but his vicious “Keep it _down_ or you _will_ suffer” quietened her down again.

"Please! I promise I speak nothing but the truth! I do not care for the majority of debris the servants spew- ah, oh no! Pardon- pardon my language-“

A wince escaped her as she shut her eyes and trembled in fear, her arms clasping around herself.

“Ann.”

He was growing tired of the charade.

He shouldn't be tormenting her any longer- and if she spoke truth, was that not good enough?

_How does Shido find any enjoyment in this?_

"Ann!"

She nearly jumped. “Y-yes? Please, I-"

“Go fetch Sakamoto for me. Now. I expect him to be here quickly- it is a matter of utmost urgency. And discretion, of course- do not breathe a word about this to anyone else but the knight himself."

For the split of a second, Ann was stunned- before she caught herself and curtsied, not questioning her luck as she ran off.

She must have been glad to escape the impending doom of her body being ravaged.

Goro shuddered at the mere thought.

_I know the feeling of slimy, dirty hands tainting one's body…_

_I could never force myself to do such an abhorrent thing- I would sooner throw myself into the abyss and die._

The prince was more than just exhausted as he fell back onto his wooden chair- the memory that had crawled out of Pandora's box nagged and screamed at him to be released into words and spoken of as it raked itself over his body, claimed his existence to itself as it painted him in black once more.

He did not want to speak of it all.

He did not wish to recall.

But if he gave in into the temptation and released the screaming past into words- would it make a difference?

~~Would it make him feel less guilty for throwing an innocent man into despair?~~

_I suppose I will only know if I try it out._

_And if my folly leads to my early death- well…_

_~~Maybe I will even welcome it.~~ _

In a different time, under a different star, such a thought would not occur the prince- was his death only linked to life once the king's head fell.

But the guilt scratching at the back of his mind, his own memories of nights of starvation and the loneliness of the jarring jail cell-

Goro was sure would he not explain his reasons, he would die of shame.

_Ironic, how the only man I could possibly tell about my pain is the very same one I doomed to death._

_This wish of mine- to tell him my reasons- it’s not for his own sake. Only for mine._

_~~How truly despicable of me, really.~~ _

As he lowered his head and his forehead collided with the cold wooden's desk, trails of silent tears tainted both living skin and dead.

***

His tears had long but subsided when the telltale of steps resounded near his room, soon followed by a certain knock on his door.

Impatient and tense, he nearly yelled the permission to enter, springing to his feet as a certain knight rushed into his room.

Of course, he was still accompanied by a flustered Ann. To save time, Goro immediately instructed her to close the door instead of throwing her out.

_She knows too much already about my worries and fears- were I to send her out like that, her curiosity might make her chatter._

_Better is to make her aware of the truth, and silence her with graveness._

The fury in Sakamoto’s voice was palpable. "I seem to have been summoned by the great prince himself- ow, Ann, why would you hit me?!"

The prince decided not to address the improper behavior- the beat of his heart was too distracting, his hands to sweaty for proper chiding.

~~He hoped no one saw him gulp to summon forth empty confidence and suppress the tremor in his voice.~~

“So, did Joker rot away in the cells already, or is he...still alive?”

Ann immediately fell into shock- a hand flew towards her mouth, and with wide eyes she observed the knight’s response.

Sakamoto growled. “What, does his great Highness regret torturing-”

Tock.

“I do not like to have my patience tested!” Goro yelled. “Answer my question _quickly,_ Sakamoto! If you do, I might still-”

"You might still what?! Hurt my precious friend even more?! I will be damned if I let him suffer under such fate-"

"Ryuji!"

Goro saw the maid stomp onto the knight’s foot, and fury sparked forth in her voice. “Why do you not answer him properly?!”

“Because he is a fiendish, cruel man?”

_Shut your mouth, you cretin!_

“But you _serve_ him for now, and if you do not wish to die yourself, reply for now!”

Sakamoto grimaced, but he did as she requested. “I hear you, your Highness. Joker has…not died yet. He's a resilient one, you know? He still refuses to eat proper meals and drinks, though, and I know for sure that he is…not in a good state."

"Are you saying his death is neigh?"

The knight nodded gravelly.

_It’s not too late yet._

_You can fix your mistake, Goro- and save him if you act quickly._

_Time is running…_

His heart lurching into his throat, his mouth dry, Goro commanded, “Then lead me to this foolish fool of a man, and I may just spare him of the pointless death he else might suffer under.”

_Will he believe me, though?_

_Ah, the look on his face- of course not._

"And why on earth would I trust the words of the one who threw him in- Ann!"

"Ryuji! You listen, you bonehead! His Highness could have already claimed me if he wanted to, yet...he did not." The girl chewed her lip as the knight’s face paled as though he’d seen a ghost.

“Claimed?!”

“It doesn’t matter now, does it? He did not act on his…given rights because I did him a favor. Was that not it?”

The prince was not sure how to answer- and to his surprise, the maid begun to smile.

“I understand his Highness cannot tell me so outright- but that is all the more reason you, Ryuji, should listen to him now. I do not think- despite not knowing what’s going on- he has malicious intent.”

Quietly, so only the blonde could hear her, she whispered, “They may share blood, but they are not the same. If my instincts do me wrong, and he is here to hurt Joker- I will take the blame. But for now…won’t you take the chance and listen to his call? If only to repay…that he did not lay hand upon me. Please, Ryuji.”

The prince pretended he did not see her hand clasping the knight’s- or the way her lashes fluttered as she tilted her head in such tantalizing manner she made the man blush.

He did not understand- were they lovers? Friends?

Was she seducing him to do his bidding?

_Why?_

A second passed.

Then another.

And when fiery Sakamoto met his gaze, determination sparked the room aflame.

"Fine. I will guide his Highness to Joker- if only to repay a deed."

_Were I not a prince, I would thank the girl for her services._

Instead, he glared at her. “Ann, you will-“

“Keep quiet, I know. Do not worry, your Highness- your secret here is safe with me. If it leaves my lips, you may slice my throat.”

“Ann!”

“You are not one to carelessly swear on your life like that. What makes you do so? What are you hoping to achieve?”

The maid chewed her lip. “It would be too much to bid a prince for something- but my instincts tell me his Highness is…hoping to help Joker, whatever predicament he is in, and however it came to be. All I want is…for that to happen. I may be selfish, and- and playing a gamble here, a risky one- but I would regret not moving Ryuji to help his Highness if this…is what is to happen.”

“I may as well be out to kill the Jester- what then, Ann?”

They both ignored the knight’s yell as her eyes shut close. “Then I will take responsibility for my actions. For now, however- I owe his Highness for not touching me, and I would regret not repaying the deed. That is all.”

_Really?_

_No, as if. That couldn’t be._

Still, the prince remained silent as he and the knight took off, an unknown feeling stirring in his gut.

***

Once again, he sent Sakamoto away to guard over the entrance of the cells. Later on, he would have Ann swear on her most dearest ones to stay quiet about all this and not prod any further.

He did not fail to notice how heavy his steps sounded as he sought his way to a certain cell.

_This proves nothing,_ one voice inside of him yelled. _Even if he did starve himself, he might still have been sent by Shido. Will you blindly fall into such an obvious trap once more?_

_No,_ another voice protested in passion, _if he truly is as desolate and starved as they say…then he is truly of good heart, or at least he is worthy of trust. We can't risk killing someone who could be an ally!_

_You must truly be desperate to think that. An ally?_

_Even if you had been born anew, you would not find an ally under the star that guides you- he reeks of vengeance and destruction. Do you truly think a star as rotten as that would not repulse a kind one?_

The prince sighed, shaking the intrusive thoughts away. He was sure the only reason he was thinking such odd thoughts was due to having been robbed of sleep and sanity for so long.

As he approached the single soul wasting away in one of the cells, he couldn’t help but laugh.

_What an amusing twist of fate._

_How come he chose this cell among so many- this particular one, whose smell has been tainted by my own grief and fear, my screams and my tears._

_Whose ground I have crawled and memorized with every stroke of my skin as I leeched and died all over it, only to be dragged back into life and killed anew?_

_Is it a coincidence?_

_Or is it the sign of a trap awaiting me?_

_I will never know until it's too late, either way._

His footsteps had resounded loudly in this smelly, empty place- the king was not known to keep prisoners. He had them executed or killed as soon as possible, so the only constant inhabitants in the prison were the royal rats.

Well, and a Prince, visiting a Jester.

_Maybe the rats are more royal than me- at least their behavior remains the same, no matter what. They skitter around and claim this place to themselves, but flee as soon as I'm here- is it because they see me as a sign of calamity?_

_Or is it because they fear to look at a man beyond redemption, so dirty and broken not even the lowest of animals would dare spend time with him, afraid he would dare touch them?_

Yet another question whose answer lay shrouded in mystery.

When the prince halted, his tired ears caught wind of the smallest of sounds- exhausted, ragged breathing; a heavy drag for air.

A pained groan as a dry cough escaped the raven, accompanied by the sound of a grumbling stomach.

Before the royal prince, visible even in the filthy darkness, lay a broken, tattered Jester, sprawled on the ground in the prison cell.

And he dared to grin.

"Do my eyes spy a- urgh!" A fit of coughs befell the Jester, and what he wanted to say, Goro would never know.

His heartbeat had spiked the second their eyes had met- and he could not calm the racing of his heart or the slight shake in his voice as he spoke. “You are aware the grounds here might as well be colored in piss? Why are you lying on the ground? Are you so interested in acquiring the smell of man’s liquid?!”

The raven did not seem intimidated by the high-ranking visitor and his unexplained anger. Rather, it seemed as though the voice that barely cut through the thick air tainted by piss and blood made him come alive instead of draining the rest of his life force.

Goro saw him shuffle around- it took a while until Joker sat properly, though a shy sway remained in his posture. 

Their gazes collided once more- the foolish man was still wearing his Jester's garment, even his mask, yet Goro knew the sight of a starved man balancing the border of sanity and death too well than that a mask could hide it.

_Then again, that shimmer of insanity in his eyes, his body...did he not spark it off when we met first, too?_

Joker pretended his best to seem unaffected, but his smile was a ghost of his former self, and the prince noted how his head lolled against the wall behind him.

“Your Highness,” Joker finally croaked, the confident grin shaking, “My eyes do not betray me- you’re here. Have you come to give a man his sentence?”

Inexplicable anger rose in the prince's body as he held his screams back. “I have come to verify the folly of a fool, who-”

_Who what?_

_Who what, Goro?_

“You are fond of the word, are you not?"

"What?!"

"Fool.” Joker laughed, the word eerily echoing off the walls.

_The truth could be no further than that._

How the Jester had found the spirit to chuckle was beyond Goro; the prince was sure that not even the most talented performer would be able to imitate the chocked coughs a starved man gave off quite as precisely, and he knew what little energy one had left was best conserved by using it to stay alive- even if it meant to give up on breathing.

So how?

How did Joker always manage to surprise him, even in moments of death?

The prince cleared his throat. “I am not fond of anything, Joker. Alas- that is not why I came here. Sakamoto has handed me the key to your cell- frankly, I cannot believe you let him lock you up, but be that as it may. Beg me for your release, and tell me thy intentions, and then you might be free of your confines.”

Again, the Jester giggled. "Did I not make myself clear enough, your Highness? What made me prisoner was the wish for you to forgive me, and to be someone of trust to you.”

"We both know that that is a lie. Tell me the truth. Or do you desire death so badly?”

"Nay, your Highness. What lays before you _is_ the truth, is it not?"

_It could never be._ "It is not."

"Why yes, it is!"

"It's not!" Goro clenched his fist.

"Oh, it i-"

The Jester was cut off by a primal scream and a harsh kick against the bars.

Though the sound echoed through the cells, the room did not shake under the prince’s wrath- as if mocking his weakness.

“Shut your mouth! Stop saying these things! You are nothing more than a liar! A liar, just like she was, just like anyone will be-" 

Goro screamed the words over and over again, as if hoping they’d materialize and form a sword in his hands, a sword that could cut through the metal bars and erase the scars of a mistake, a fatal error in his past-

Yet no such thing happened, and Joker regarded the prince with hooded eyes.

“Someone hurt you, your Highness."

The air the prince breathed in felt like tiny needles prickling him from the inside out.

“She hurt you. I may not know who 'she' is, but...she left a scar on you, did she not? Is that why you were so afraid of me? Well- it is not my place to ask, your Highness.”

Goro wasn’t sure whether his hands were gripping the bars or whether the bars were holding him prisoner. He wanted nothing more than to run away- he could not let his true self be revealed here- yet was it not why he came?

Did he not decide that in the last breath this man would soon take, he should know what the prince had gone through?

_But why?_

_What use will it have?_

_Do you really believe the nightmares will stop?_

_The past erased?_

_It will not._

Goro gulped. “You always say that- that it is not your place to ask. Even though you know much more than anyone else does by now- even though you deliberately sneak under my skin and peel away my mask to find out what horror crawls beneath."

“I do not-“

“You do! Stop pretending you don’t. You wish to know what made me scare you so much. You would be nothing short of a liar if you claim to be not the least bit curious.”

His voice shook. "But why do you do that, Joker? For what reason do you wish to find out what no mortal man should know?”

A shy smile appeared on the Jester’s face. “I assure you, your Highness I am indeed of curious nature, as such is my role. You are correct- I am interested in your past. Yet I am not interested in uncovering...the hurt of someone who does not wish me to know.”

Joker’s smile softened. “I will be content if you request my services anew, and be wary of touching you from now on- if that is what you please.”

“But you do not know why you’re here! You do not know why you’re starving and hurt, you-”

The prince’s scream sounded more tired than exasperated, even to himself.

“You’re right,” Joker smiled, “I do not.”

“And you’re fine with it?! You’re fine with withering away and dying, taking your last breath without knowing why?!”

The raven tilted his head. “Yes.”

Silence fell among the two of them.

Until quiet hiccups broke through the darkness, a frown appearing on Joker’s face.

“Your Highness-“

“You’d- kill yourself over a folly.”

“I…It is not a folly! It was a mistake I have to repent for, I-”

_How can a man seek for forgiveness so much?_

A sad chuckle escaped the prince as the lock on Pandora's box begun to crack. “The name suits you well, Jester. It does.”

“Your Highness, I-“

“Silence.” Goro wiped away what stray tears ran down his cheeks, and tried to focus his sight as best as he could as he shakily reached for the cell’s lock.

“Your Highness, what-“

The lock fell open with a click.

Though instead of dragging the Fool out, Goro took a few shaky steps himself, closing the cell behind him- albeit unlocked.

And as he tried to crush the key in his own hands, the heavy lock on his heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

“This place reeks of the piss I wet myself in all those years ago.”

The gulp the Jester took did not go by unnoticed.

"Don't be mistaken- I'm not telling you of my past because of kindness of the heart, or pity on you. Or worse- because I think of you as an ally.”

_~~Don’t you?~~ _

"I just do not wish for you to die without knowing why- that would be a cruel death, a fate I wish naught for anyone but a certain main. No, Joker- you will listen to my past, and be chained to live on.”

_Chained?_

_How will you chain a man who seems so free?_

_Have you heard him talk? He is not free- he is bound by something else, by a dark past he wishes pardon for. If he knows of your story, he will feel too guilty to die, to leave you alone- because he is of ‘kind’ heart, as one may say._

_~~Or because he was sent by the king to take your heart.~~ _

As if delirious, Goro walked further in- despite the weak protests thrown after him.

He didn’t hear them.

All that haunted him were old memories- memories as comfortable as cutting edge and endless pain.

In the filthiest and darkest corner, where no sunlight could reach, where deciphering his face would be impossible-

That was where Goro slowly sat down, huddling his knees close to his body.

_If this is my end, at least let me tell a fellow dead man of my wounds._

His voice was naught but a whisper, yet he was sure the Jester would hear everything he said- because no doubt was he curious what Goro wanted to say, as he had never ignored his words.

“Being thrown into a prison cell and starved is the kindest torture there is, Joker.”

A ragged sigh escaped the brunet- he noted with amusement how the raven had grown quiet, and how it seemed as if he'd been the one locked and starved for days now, given the sounds he emitted.

“It’s a kindness to beg for.”

His body begun to shudder, dark, filthy hands of old memories reaching and grabbing for him- he needed to shake them off once and for all.

Whether Joker was able to help him with that was unknown- but now that the forbidden words had tumbled free of him, Goro had no strength to withhold them anymore.

“You wonder what your mistake was? Or maybe you don’t, I'm not sure. You’re quite the mystery. Well, be assured, Joker- you have never done anything wrong to me. It is me who made a mistake, a long time ago, that makes me suffer even today.”

The prince sighed. “Tell me, what do you know of my lineage?"

"I…”

"Ah, nevermind. To put it simply, I am known to be a bastard of sullied origin- while the accursed king's blood flows in me, I share that of a simple village woman. Or, someone people call a whore."

A memory flashed by before his eyes- the faintest smile on his Mother's lips.

_I wish I could remember her face._

"I am of low birth. Therefore, I did not know how to read or write when they dragged me to this cursed place. The castle itself is the prison- not the cells, note that down, Jester. What do you think happens to someone who does not know or speak the things a royal should?"

"He...hires a teacher?"

"Yes, and no. He is _assigned_ one- one that teaches and guides him. One to-"

A sneer escaped him. "One to trust with all your troubles, and seek when you're in need."

"Your Highness-"

" _Stop_ calling me that, please. Just...stay quiet and listen for a while."

Goro was more than just grateful over the following silence.

"I...had a teacher way before you. Not for the sword, of course. She taught me all that I needed to know here- how to read, how to write, how to behave. Back then, she was the only human extending a helping hand to me. Someone who _sided_ with me when I got into trouble for disrupting etiquette. I had just been torn away from my mother, whose whereabouts and…death remain unknown to me.”

He knew how obvious the trap had been- but only years later.

“Assign the rebellious bastard child a mother figure to rely on- and trust. And in the most crucial moment…let her stab his back.” A bitter laugh escaped Goro. “The physical and mental wounds together could bend a human to your will better, no?”

The Jester tensed, though he remained silent.

"She told me to appreciate what I had- a warm bed, expensive meals and garments, servants and slaves- everything a simple man could wish for. Yes, it was unfortunate my mother had been torn away from me, but there was no use in lamenting the past, was it not?”

Again, Goro laughed. “For a while, I nearly believed her- though my rebellion against the king never ceased. Well, that was until…"

* * *

* * *

"Your Highness, your behavior is impeccable these days. I am proud to see how much you have grown. Even his Majesty seems to have revised his opinion about you- he is most happy about your recent changes."

A sense of pride surged through Goro's body- he was more than just elated at the praise. "Thank you- I wouldn’t have been able to satisfy the king with my performance without your aid, really. Maybe now, I finally have a chance to gain his trust and make him be more careless before I- ah!"

The prince slapped a hand over his mouth, yet he could not undo what he had said. His careless joy about the praise had made him abandon the mask of an impeccable prince, and had made him say words he shouldn’t have.

_Damn it! If she grows suspicious now, my hard work will have been for naught!_

Steely gray eyes fixed him. "Make the king…careless? What for? "

"Um, uh-" Panic befell the brunet. "I- please ignore what I said!"

_Absolutely fantastic reply, Goro. She is sure not to be suspicious now._

_~~Is there anything in the world I can do without being a complete and utter failure?~~ _

"Your Highness- what on earth are you planning?”

“I-“ Before the prince was able to reply again, his teacher turned his back to him.

“Perhaps it's best I do not prod."

"Pardon?"

Turning her head, Goro saw a shy smile playing at the corner of her lips. "I am going to pretend I did not hear whatever you just said- it was merely delirious mutter due to tiredness, was it not?”

“But-“

“Now, let's move on, shall we? We still have to go through the history of the country overseas…."

The prince decided not to question his luck, and from thereon, a secret agreement was forged between the two of them.

Not to question this gift would be his downfall.

***

Though Goro remained cautious the next few days, nothing befell him. Weeks passed by, yet the king did not issue any punishment or additional whippings. If anything, the physical punishment had more than just lessened, nearly disappeared ever since he began acting like the loyal lapdog the king wanted him to be.

His teacher continued to praise him for his excellent behavior, and soon, the prince was bestowed privilege upon privilege.

Indeed, it was all too good to be true- but maybe his teacher had been right? That heeding to his Majesty’s call would lead to a comfortable life?

Though Goro knew he would never bow to his father and serve him, would it do any bad to enjoy what freedom was bestowed upon him for now?

~~Ah, the naivety of youth and innocence.~~

***

A good opportunity to slice the king’s throat as he was asleep presented itself soon. Due to the newfound trust, Goro was to patrol the castle alongside a few knights he could easily shake off. From there, it would be easy to find his way into the king’s chambers, given he could distract the king’s personal knights. What he lacked, however…

Was the deadly poison and a weapon to stab the king dead.

No one in the castle was remotely trustworthy- but in his despair, Goro thought of the one person that had helped him once, and that continued to support him in his endeavors, why, even lessened any punishment inflicted on him.

_Isn’t she…worthy to be my ally?_

Quickly, he made way for her chambers, sure that she would have a brilliant idea on how to find poison or weapons, yes, she might even help him! Goro had observed her role at court for a long time now; oppressed by the king and used from time to time as a plaything, she was easily underestimated in her foresight in war tactics and her intelligence.

_If she were to help me…it would do her more than just good, would it not?_

_And if all fails, we could still flee the country together._

Impatiently, he knocked on her chambers. Due to the hour, she was dressed in her sleeping garments, one of expensive silk.

A personal gift by the king, that was- not that the young boy was aware.

"Your Highness? What brings you so late to my chambers? You must know it is unseemly for you to be seen at this time-"

"Would you let me in?"

She did.

And silently, the trap snapped close.

Once Goro had assured himself the windows were blocked and the door shut close, he begun to talk.

"I have been trying my best to seem impeccable and gain the king’s trust- for one simple reason. To claim his head and heart, and bring him down from the throne."

His teacher’s eyes widened. “Your Highness! To say such a thing is treachery!”

“Please, listen!” Goro’s heart pounded wildly as he spoke on. "I have seen how he treats you- just like his other concubines, with no regard for your intelligence. I have heard all about the rumors- that he killed your family and left you to serve him lest you wanted to suffer the same fate."

The prince took a deep breath. His hands had long grown clammy, and his voice betrayed his haste. "Tell me- don't you want him dead as well? You could be the next Queen instead of him- I do not care about the throne itself.”

“Your Highness!”

He ignored her shocked exclaim.

“If he is dead, being the tyrant he is, the people will rejoice. They will not care about which blood rules the throne as long as they are safe! I know how familiar you are with the knights- I’m sure they would lend you their aid as well!"

"Please, your Highness, you must stop this thinking at once!"

“No!”

She gazed at him with fear in her eyes.

He took her hands into his, pleading her. “Please. You are my closest ally at court- I need your help to break free of this cursed birdcage. If you can give me a weapon- better even, poison- the king will be dead in less than two days. You won’t be involved. I won’t utter your name, and flee this place as soon as he’s dead. I beg you- help me!"

Though she was hesitant, his insistent pleas reached her heart, and she agreed.

With stars in his eyes that blinded him, and the fulfilling fantasy of blood on his hands, Goro returned to her room the next evening.

“You have a sword! Excellent!”

As he turned his back to her, ushered in, everything went black in less than an instant as the hilt of the sword swung down on him in a vicious strike.

And so, his fate was sealed.

***

They’d thrown him into the cell.

Well, what else had he expected? That his closest ally would support and help him?

That she wouldn’t betray him, even though her disdain for the king should be as grand as his, if not more?

_Ah, no._

_Had she not taught me about this herself?_

Treason was the highest crime there was. Taking on the role of a snake to uncover infidel men and women paid off well, though it was a dirty job- one where you might betray who called you his kind.

She must have been a snake, he belatedly realized- one that had gained his trust and heard about his inner thoughts often enough.

Briefly, he wondered what her reasons to become a snake were- was it the money? Was she promised freedom? Protection of her dead family?

_Or was there any truth to the role she had been introduced me as?_

He supposed he would never know.

At first, the fury and anger in his veins had lived him through the first few days of abuse, but by now, the flame of hatred towards her had subsided.

_Because,_ he thought to himself as he was punched over and over again, _it’s not like I understand._

_It’s not like I’m worth anything in comparison to money and freedom, to a life free of pain._

Even as the knights pissed all over him, he did not cry.

His fate was one to be alone, and if he was foolish enough to stray from said path…

_Well, it is only natural I suffer, is it not?_

Though the more his flame of hatred towards her shrunk- and the more hurt remained- the more it fueled his spite and anger at the true cause of evil here: Shido himself.

_You just wait._

_My time will come._

***

_It hurts._

_It hurts!_

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he’d been thrown into this cell.

Goro wasn’t sure what hurt more- the physical wounds, the empty stomach and dry throat, the sneering words and insults, or the wounds inflicted on him by the traitor.

Which, of course, were invisible to his tormentors.

He should have foreseen this.

He should have known.

_There’s no good in this world for me, is there?_

The cell was his old friend by now- similar like the taste of iron and blood that kept him alive. He didn’t know for how long he’d still be left to starve and forced to eat the rotten meat of dead rats, but all of this begun to grow familiar.

Something he was used to.

_Something that fits my status and my worth._

Years of living at the castle had not broken him yet, but his endurance was finite- even he would crumble if this kept up, even he would begin to cry in front of the knights that came to wound him.

But he was not aware of the horrors that awaited him yet, that made him question whether life was not poison itself.

Rotting away in his usual corner of the darkest cell there was, Goro hummed a song- his mother’s favorite lullaby.

He fell asleep on the cold ground that his delirious mind made him believe to be the softest blanket in all of the castle, and the rats skittering around him were the sounds of his mother’s footsteps, taking care of things here and there.

_I won’t let them break me (I can't let them break me)._

_I won’t die until the last of this man has been shredded and torn to pieces, burned to crisps and served as the most rotten thing this world has to offer._

_And if that doesn’t satisfy the singing sirens living in my blood and calling for vengeance, then I will go after her, too._

***

One certain morning, Goro was awoken by unknown footsteps.

_Odd,_ he thought, _I’m sure the knights told me they’d leave me alone on the king’s behest- to learn of true agony and loneliness._

Or was his mind playing tricks on him, having crossed the border to insanity long ago?

Before he knew what to think, knights he had never seen before came to stand in front of his cell- he threw them his most defiant look, with what little energy he had left.

_I won’t give you the satisfaction of breaking me._

_I won’t!_

“His Majesty has instructed for a special treatment for you. Either you follow quietly, or we will use force, your Highness.”

_How amusing of you to use my title when it means nothing more than trash._

Since wounds, inflicted by swords and fists, still hurt and ached- Goro thought it wiser to walk along quietly.

In a way, his decision had been wise, if only for the moment.

Though at the end of the day, the prince wished he’d have been beaten so bloody and hurt- maybe even killed- that he would not have been alive for what awaited him next.

They did not walk far before he was knocked out cold once more.

_Ah, this type of darkness has begun to be my color, has it not?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will start in 'present' time, though we will delve into the continuation of Goro's past very quickly!


End file.
